Today, Make Jesus Your Main Squeeze

Pastor, during sermon: You never know what's gonna come outta somethin' till you squeeze it.

Methodist Church
Port Norris, New Jersey

Overheard by: stunned organist

Posted on October 3, 2020
Default, New Jersey, Religious fanatics, Words

In the Glow of the Aurora Borealis

Girl: I saw two penises on Saturday.

Outside Airport, Yellowknife
Northwest Territories
Canadia

Posted on October 1, 2020
Airports & flights, Canadia, Default, Girls, Penis, Sexuality, Time Management

Translation: Sex With You Isn't Worth the Annoyance Of Your Company

Emo chick: So then she glared at me. In a mean way, not a happy way.
Normal looking boyfriend: I don't think that word means what you think it means.
Emo chick: Huh?
Normal looking boyfriend: You know, I just don't think this is going to work out.
Emo chick: Wait. You're breaking up with me? Here? Why?
Normal looking boyfriend: Well, I wasn't planning on it, but honey, you didn't like Watchmen and you've never read or seen The Princess Bride. Clearly we're just two very different people.

Flagstaff, Arizona

Overheard by: nayvera

Posted on September 30, 2020
Arizona, Books, Compare and contrast, Couples, Default, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Movies, Questions, Relationships, Words

When Good Conversations Go Bad

Academic-type Oxford guy: You have such silky hair.
American girl: Thanks…
Academic-type Oxford guy: You could weave a garment out of it!

Oxford
England

Overheard by: Catherine

Posted on September 30, 2020
Clothes, Colleges & Universities, Default, England, Girls, Guys, Hair, Offers and requests

You're the Worst Thesis Advisor Ever

Girl walking through campus: I can't believe you, I'm sitting in my living room in nothing but a towel, with mascara streaming down my face and you don't even care!

George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia

Overheard by: You sit on a throne of lies

Posted on September 28, 2020
Clothes, Colleges & Universities, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Gripes, Students, Virginia

When Lifetime Television Becomes a How-To

Girl #1: I was watching tv last night, and this girl was prostituting herself to pay for med school…
Girl #2: That is such a good idea!

UC Berkeley, California

Posted on September 26, 2020
California, Colleges & Universities, Default, Education, Girls, Money, Technology

You Can Cry Afterwards and He Can't Tell

Girl: It's not “oh, I got laid underwater.” It's that I got to know the person and got close to them before I went underwater.

Psychology Class
University of Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Emily

Posted on September 24, 2020
Class, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Feelings, Girls, Pennsylvania, Sex, Weirdness, Words

Your Editors Plan to Give The Family Circus Another Look

Irate eight-year-old, daughter about younger brother: Mommy, Jeff is spanking me again!
Out-of-patience mom: What have I told you two? No spanking! (quietly to husband) Only daddy can spank.

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Posted on September 23, 2020
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Guess What I’ve Done with the Butter Dispenser

Popcorn hater: Oh my god! You’re going to walk out of there with a popcorn-bag fashioned diaper, aren’t you?
Popcorn enthusiast: It’s supportive and delicious!

Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Meghan

Posted on September 19, 2020
Arizona, Creepsters, Default, Food, Weirdness

I Swear On This Stack of Flannel Shirts

Drunk sorority girl: I swear, I'm not gay! I just crush a lot.

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York

Posted on September 19, 2020
Default, Drunks, New York, Sexuality, Sorority types

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