Maybe You Should Try Fucking While Lying Down?

Very old woman: I do like those fuck-me pumps, but they're terrible for my feet.

Hampden, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on March 6, 2020
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Mean Girls for the Win!

Girl #1: He's planning on asking you out… He said he thinks you have a crush on him because you told him you think his hair looks sexy pushed back.
Girl #2: Really? I should reject him by telling him that I only date women of color.
Girl #1: Ha! Or say that you really don't want to get pregnant and die.
Girl #2: I can't. I'm sick. (coughs)
Girl #1: I wonder if you'd have to quote the whole movie before you destroyed his faith in humanity.

Princeton, New Jersey

Posted on March 6, 2020
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Hey, I Tried Pilates for You Guys.

Beefy tattooed inmate: Hey, does anyone know how to play twister?
(rest of unit groans)

Vancouver Island Maximum Security Prison
Canadia

Posted on March 5, 2020
Canadia, Default, Games, Guys, Gym rats, Offers and requests, Questions

I Gotta Learn How to Pregame

Girl #1: I came really fast, apparently.
Girl #2: Wow, really?
Girl #1: Yeah. (sighs) If only we weren't talking about childbirth.

Auckland
New Zealand

Posted on March 4, 2020
Default, Girls, New Zealand, Orgasm, Pregnancy, Questions, Weirdness

Keep Your Friends Close and Your Motherfuckers Even Closer

20-something guy to another: He found Jesus. In the two months I hadn't seen him, the motherfucker found Jesus.

Swinger's
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Kristin

Posted on March 3, 2020
California, Compare and contrast, Default, Guys, Insults, Jesus, Words

Though We Also Would Have Accepted “Funbags” or “Tatas” on the Midterm Exam

Japanese student #1, in Japanese: Big boobs?
Japanese student #2, in English: Big boobs?
Vietnamese student, in English: Yes, but in English, we say “hooters.”

Translation Class
University of Hawaii

Overheard by: Jade Buddha

Posted on March 2, 2020
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I Am One With My Car

Young woman to girl, after car accident: Do you have car insurance or anything?
College girl: Blue Cross Blue Shield.
Young woman: … Uhh… That would be health insurance.

South Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Charlee

Posted on March 2, 2020
Compare and contrast, Default, Offers and requests, Questions, Sorority types, Stupidity, Vermont, Women

…I've Been Saving That Up All Semester.

Elderly Bible as Literature professor: People often say things that catch people off guard. Like if I said even Jesus shat.
(entire class goes completely silent)
Professor: Holy shit, huh?

College
Massachusetts