Religious fanatics

Creepy, vacant-eyed hipster, apropos of nothing: Jesus loves you. He made you. He shows me things.

Overheard by: Jen

Pastor, placing a piece of bread in guy's hand: The body of Christ, given to you.
Teen girl, just in earshot: The body be stale, yo.
Teen girl's friend: I hear ya.

St. Jude's Church
Oakville, Ontario

Overheard by: Feebriel

Boy: Why do you wear that on your head?
Muslim girl, indifferently: So the aliens don't read my brain.

High School

Overheard by: I need one of those!

Pastor, during sermon: You never know what's gonna come outta somethin' till you squeeze it.

Methodist Church
Port Norris, New Jersey

Overheard by: stunned organist

Elderly Bible as Literature professor: People often say things that catch people off guard. Like if I said even Jesus shat.
(entire class goes completely silent)
Professor: Holy shit, huh?


Lady with mic: Nothing is more powerful than Jesus! He die; he get up!

Overheard by: lab

Boy: I believe in waiting until marriage.
Girl: That’s funny, cause I believe in you fucking my brains out.

Bryn Mawr College

Old religious woman to large crowd of highly amused students: Having pre-marital sex is like playing Russian roulette with your genitals!

Alumni Hill
University of Arizona

Overheard by: The girl who likes to live on the dangerous side

Pastor: Next week we have something very exciting! We have an organist coming into Sunday school! He will be demonstrating to us how he uses his organ, so make sure to come because you won't want to miss it!

Alhambra, California

Crazy-religious-dude, pointing at male student: Are you free from sin?
Male student: Yes I am!
Cray-religious-dude: Sure about that? (looks student over) Then why is your shirt so tight?

Florida International University