My Autobiography Features Some Great Tips.

Chick to cop interrupting honor students' discussion: Oh, um, we were just talking about how we would cover up a murder.
Cop, laughing: Oh, you would not believe how many times I've heard that…

Metro State College
Denver, Colorado

Posted on August 10, 2015
Advice, Colleges & Universities, Colorado, Cops, Default, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Murder

As You'd Know If You Ever Watched TV With Me

Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash mom: You want mommy to push your stroller?
Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash dad: You wanna go ten feet under?!
White trash mom: Honey, it's six feet.

Sears
Nashua, New Hampshire

Overheard by: jefe

Posted on August 9, 2015
Compare and contrast, Dads, Death & dying, Default, Kids, Moms, Murder, New Hampshire, Offers and requests, Parenting, Stores, Weirdness

If I Show You a Boob, Will You Forget This Lecture Ever Happened?

Moral and religious education teacher, describing opening scene of Gridiron Gang: So the movie opens, right, and you hear all these guns going off, and everyone's gangbanging everywhere…
Students: (silence, then loud raucous laughter)
Teacher: Oh, Jesus Christ… I mean they're shooting loads at each other… Oh god, no…

Centennial Regional High School
Quebec
Canadia

Overheard by: amused

Posted on July 29, 2015
Canadia, Default, Education, Movies, Murder, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Sex, Students, Teachers, Words

Which Brings Me to Today's Lab Assignment

Professor: Sponges can regenerate from the broken pieces. If you put a sponge through a mincing machine, you just get lots of little sponges. If you put a cow through, you get mince. If you put a person through, you get arrested.

Rhodes University
South Africa

Overheard by: Amused Zoology Student

Posted on July 22, 2015
Africa, Animals, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Crimes, Murder, Science, Teachers

Charleton Heston Was Quickly Reincarnated

Three-year-old boy (enthusiastically): When I get home, I’m going to shoot someone!
Sunday school teacher: I don’t think you should do that.
Three-year-old boy: With a squirt gun!
Sunday school teacher: Oh, good.
Three-year-old boy: And a machine gun!

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/304115855/some-problems-require-a-machine-gun.html

Overheard by: wayzata

Posted on July 11, 2015
Crimes, Death & dying, Default, Education, Kids, Murder, Overheard in Minneapolis, Teachers

Stupid SPCA

20-something to another: If you want to sacrifice a horse, do it in your backyard.

Metro State College of Denver
Denver, Colorado

Posted on July 5, 2015
Advice, Animals, Colorado, Guys, Murder

He Hangs Around Outside Weight Watchers Meetings, Just Waiting

Girl #1, reading aloud from a magazine: Did you know there are only 13 blimps in the entire world?
Girl #2: What's a blimp?
Girl #1: I don't know, but Liam wants to be killed by one.

Birmingham, Alabama