Bus

It's an Essential Part of Your Education

(two 6th-grade boys are sitting on the bus playing with their phones)
Boy #1: Hey, you know “saxophone” sounds a lot like “sexy-phone”!
Boy #2: Haha! Then for short you could call it “the sex”!
Boy #1: (laughs)
Boy #2: It would be like, “Hey, do you know how to play the sex?”
Boy #1: Heh-heh… Yeah, its a very complicated one.
Boy #2: Ew… That's gross.
Boy #1: Yeah, you know where you learn how to do it?
Boy #2: Where?
Boy #1: In college.
Boy #2: No way! I thought we learned everything in 5th grade.
Boy #1: Yeah…but I mean this time they tell you where to stick it in.
Boy #2: Ohhh…

School Bus
Maryland

Overheard by: Sam

Same Reason So Many People Apply to Haverford.

Hipster girl #1: I got into Northeastern for grad school. I dunno what to do.
Hipster girl #2: Wow, that's really good! What a great school. Northwestern is like, famous.
Hipster girl #1: No, Northeastern.
Hipster girl #2: Oh. Is that a good school?
Hipster girl #1: Not really. But I figured if I put it small on my resume or say it fast, people will get confused. It clearly works!

30 Bus
San Francisco, California

Yet Another Situation That Calls for Drugs

20-something girl: Rehab totally sucks. The halfway house only has basic cable.

#16 Bus
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: unysmpathetic

You Slept with Him in Chinese?

[Chinese girls whispering.]Girl #1 yells: What?! You slept with him last night and didn’t come home until three this morning?!
Girl #2 yells back: In Chinese, stupid!

Bus
Chicago, Illinois

But We Call Them “American Voters”

American chick #1: Ohmigod! Look at those white cows! I’ve never seen cows like that before!
American chick #2: Maybe they’re albino… Or it could be a special British type of cow.
Guy sitting behind them: … Those are sheep.

Bus, Southern England

Overheard by: pretends to be Canadian

…to Quote Walter Cronkite

White HS boy, in fake deep voice: That’s why titties and Tater Tots don’t mix!

33X Bus
Nashville, Tennessee

That's No Excuse For Stupidity

Overly friendly man on bus: It's like, for example, do you know how many seasons there are in a year?
Woman: Tweleve.
Overly friendly man: Well, actually there are four seasons, four seasons in a year, I guess…
Woman: Well, I'm not from here, I'm from Montana.

Seattle, Washington

Which Is Why AA Gives You a Sponsor and Some New Friends

Girl on bus: I've been trying to quit drinking and she was all like, “have some juice with me!” And then she pulls out a half gallon of vodka, and I'm all, “bitch, what you doing?”

Seattle, Washington

Lindsay Lohan: “How Come My Community Service Never Involves Martini Glasses?”

Guy #1, gesturing: …in a martini glass.
Guy #2: That's disgusting! Why did you do that?
Guy #1: Because he had a broken jaw.
Guy #2: I know, but why were you doing that? Community service?

Bus Stop
San Diego, California

Grand Theft Auto: Apocalypse May Have Gone Too Far

Teenage ghetto boy: That'd be great, man, if everyone died … They'd be gone, and we could take all their cars!

Bus
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Claire

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