Names

Woman #1: So you're going to name your son Jesus?
Woman #2: Why not? People name their kids “Messiah,” and it means the same damn thing.

Alabama

Overheard by: Matthew Roberts

Girl: Whoa…There's a band called “Asia”? Mom, is this what I was named after?
Mother: No, honey.

Branson, Missouri

Girl: In case they forget our names, they’re right here on our vaginas.

1280 Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia

Girl, after looking at friend’s credit card: Wait, I always thought Orville* was your fake name.
Friend: Oh, honey, I have plenty of fake names, but ‘Orville’ is real. My family calls me J.R., though, because I’m the junior.
Girl: Oh! So Orville is your dad’s nickname, too? That’s weird!

Starbucks
Seattle, Washington

Guy to girl: I hate Asian people named Christine.

Drew University
New Jersey

Overheard by: Greg Everitt

(Mustang Sally is playing in background)
Guy: I dated a girl in high school who called herself Mustang Sally and me Cowboy Bill.
Girl: Is that the girl you kissed?
Guy: No, we just wrestled. She was weird. I was weird. It worked out…badly.

Video Store
Auckland
New Zealand

Guy to table of friends: I mean, what would you do if you saw a hippo putting on ChapStick?

Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: CJ

Intercom: The store will be closing in 15 minutes. Please bring your purchases to the front of the store to the check-out line. We hope you enjoyed your shopping experience. Thank you for shopping at K-Mart… Shit, I mean “Wal-Mart.”

Wal-Mart
Massachusetts

Overheard by: Caitlin

Middle-aged male Wasp: I'm voting for Wil Armstrong.
Middle-aged female Wasp: Isn't “Wil” only spelled with one l?
Middle-aged male Wasp: Uh, yeah.
Middle-aged female Wasp: That's kinda gay.

Denver, Colorado

White teacher: Time to yell grades! These are the good ones: Smith, Jameson, De-Jesus…
Asian kid, whispering to friend: Isn’t it supposed to be Degesis?
White kid, to teacher: Did you just say ‘De-Jesus‘?
White teacher: I’m white.

Columbia, New York

Overheard by: Father Seraph