(Mustang Sally is playing in background)
Guy: I dated a girl in high school who called herself Mustang Sally and me Cowboy Bill.
Girl: Is that the girl you kissed?
Guy: No, we just wrestled. She was weird. I was weird. It worked out…badly.

Video Store
New Zealand

Guy to table of friends: I mean, what would you do if you saw a hippo putting on ChapStick?

Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: CJ

Intercom: The store will be closing in 15 minutes. Please bring your purchases to the front of the store to the check-out line. We hope you enjoyed your shopping experience. Thank you for shopping at K-Mart… Shit, I mean “Wal-Mart.”


Overheard by: Caitlin

Middle-aged male Wasp: I'm voting for Wil Armstrong.
Middle-aged female Wasp: Isn't “Wil” only spelled with one l?
Middle-aged male Wasp: Uh, yeah.
Middle-aged female Wasp: That's kinda gay.

Denver, Colorado

White teacher: Time to yell grades! These are the good ones: Smith, Jameson, De-Jesus…
Asian kid, whispering to friend: Isn’t it supposed to be Degesis?
White kid, to teacher: Did you just say ‘De-Jesus‘?
White teacher: I’m white.

Columbia, New York

Overheard by: Father Seraph

20-something girl to another: I love hairy West Coast men. If they look like they haven't showered or shaved in a good week, send 'em my way.


Woman waiting for coffee: You know my sister is a Playboy model?
Friend: (blank stare)
Woman waiting for coffee: Yeah! She sends me the pictures. I mean, she's beautiful, but I don't wanna see that. And my brother, he looks at those!
Friend: (blank stare)

Overheard by: next in line.

Mother to three-year-old son: Can I call you “my dear”?
Three-year-old son: Can I call you “my moose”?

Austin, Texas

Teenage guy to another: Didn't they want to name their kid something weird, like “question mark?”

Brighton, Massachusetts

Overheard by: L-Dawg

Student: What's “Nostradamus”? It that just some random, made-up word or something?

Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Kelsey