Loud girl: And my mother said to me, “Well, I guess you’re an adult now, since you have adult sex.” And I was like, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” and she was like, “I opened your cupboard.” and I was thinking, “Oh shit!” because I’ve got a lot of shit in there. I’ve got porn, I’ve got a vibrator, a cock ring. I’ve got things she doesn’t even know what to call them!

University of Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Alex Remnick

Guy, about his job: Right now, we are working on a line where you can make a customized branded dildo to fit your needs.
Woman who just told everyone she is pregnant: That’s fantastic!

City Vino Restaurant
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: entertained witness

Boy holding slinky: I feel weird.
Boy holding other end: It’s okay. We’ve got a slinky!

High School
Eugene, Oregon

Man to wife: You can bring the Beanie Babies if you really want.


Overheard by: Randy

Gay man: Listen, we’ve all shat, we’ve all farted, we’ve all touched ourselves, and we’ve all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm… no.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Girl on cell: We’re going to vibe her vagina. Well, not vibe it.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: K

Security guard to woman who just drove over the curb: Are you drunk?
Woman driver: No, she (points to passenger) was distracting me with my vibrator!

Hospital Parking Lot
Denver, Colorado

Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.

Toledo, Ohio

Overheard by: Cap

Hot chick: I’m having a fantasia party; I made it a facebook event: Are you going to come?
Clueless girl: Whats a fantasia party?
Hot chick: Its for like chicks only, you hang out, drink and buy naughty stuff.
Clueless girl: I don’t get it?
Hot chick: What’s there to get? You come to my place, get drunk and buy sexy, naughty things?
Clueless girl: I still don’t get it.
Hot chick: Holy fuck! Its like a Tupperware party ‑only with dildos!


Overheard by: Make Mine 9 Inches!

12‐year‐old girl to younger sibling: Every time you buy a Barbie they give money to the abortion place to give someone like a scholarship for an abortion. Every time you touch a barbie, it’s like touching an abortion.

Toy Store
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: i now want to touch a barbie