San Francisco

Crazy homeless lady to well-dressed businessman: Look at you with the coffee, you faggot, you just love dick in your ass!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: trying to avoid her wrath

Gay guy #1, walking down the street: Oh, this place is cute. Your parents should stay here when they visit.
Gay guy #2: That's a funeral home.

Market Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ray

Chick: No, you will not show my grandma your penis! I don’t want my grandma telling me that you’re too small or too big for her granddaughter!

Puerto Allegra restaurant
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Amber

Asian chick: You feel used? I sent him a picture of my boobs and got nothing!

Nordstrom’s cafe, Market Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

Brunette at party: We need more vodka!
Blonde: I have Ativan.

San Francisco, California

Girl: I hate violinists!
Boy: What?
Girl: Violinists.
Boy: Oh. I thought you said “gang-bangers.”

BART Airport Train
San Francisco, California

Professionally dressed Asian girl (in a low voice): I can’t believe you showed that girl your pubes, man!
Short, pudgy Asian guy (in a low indignant voice): Well *I* can’t believe you showed her your innie nipple!

Elevator, Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McNasty

Girl: Is there anything on my ass? You’re a girl. You look and see and tell me. Oh my god, is there anything on my ass?!

San Francisco, California

Girl #1: My 21st birthday was fun.
Girl #2: So was mine, minus the fact that my friends bought stuffed animal beavers at the winery and proceeded to yell about how soft and hairy their beavers were… While my dad was driving.
Girl #2's grandma: What's a beaver?
Girl #2's mom: It's…what some people call the female genitalia.
Girl #2's grandma: Ohhh…your grandfather used to just call it a cunt.

San Francisco, California

Mid-30s casual man to woman: Obama is our modern-day political Jesus Christ. He will save us.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: babybug