Professor: Okay, let’s go fill your heads with useless crap.
Centennial College
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Professor: Okay, let’s go fill your heads with useless crap.
Centennial College
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Professor: Has anyone ever eaten anything that made them sick, and now they have an aversion to it? [A few students reply.] Yeah, I think it happens to everyone… Like for me, it’s those small, white powdered doughnuts. I just can’t eat them anymore — they taste furry now, and the thought of something furry in my mouth makes me gag. [Pause.] I think I’ve said too much.
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: well, now I’m jsut curious…
Professor: So, you see, the barns were directly beneath the houses, and the people and the animals had a very, very intimate relationship for many years. Very intimate.
Jock: Niiice [high fives jock friend].
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: chroma the great
Professor: It’s like when you walk into a bathroom with a corpse in the tub and go, ‘Wow, just look at that tile pattern!’
The Evergreen State College
Olympia, Washington
Teacher: It should be written in the dress code, ‘Girls with bouncy boobs need to cover them up.’ Seriously! These girls are one bounce away from getting tips!
Jackson Memorial High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Diana
Professor: I found the same paper that you turned in as your term paper on the Internet, word for word. That’s plagiarizing!
Student: All right, I’ll tell you the truth — I didn’t have time to write the term paper, so I paid somebody else to do it for me. But honest, I didn’t know he’d plagiarize it!
College
New York
Overheard by: DizzyLizzy
Professor: So, the point of this lecture is never, ever buy a squirrel monkey. They will plot your demise and gouge your eyes out in your sleep.
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Professor: So, do you guys think fornication is man’s greatest pleasure?
First year Humanities class: [Embarrassed silence.]Brave student: Um… I don’t know about greatest… I mean, I like to eat.
Professor, slamming hands down on desk: I’ve been eating for 62 years, and I’ve never gotten an orgasm from it!
Richmond, Indiana
Professor: The Kaiser was not the worst leader Germany had in the twentieth century.
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Teacher on cell, grading papers: On the whole, these papers have been disappointingly good.
Columbus Airport
Ohio
Overheard by: confabulation Nation
