Professor: It’s like when you walk into a bathroom with a corpse in the tub and go, ‘Wow, just look at that tile pattern!’
The Evergreen State College
Olympia, Washington
Professor: It’s like when you walk into a bathroom with a corpse in the tub and go, ‘Wow, just look at that tile pattern!’
The Evergreen State College
Olympia, Washington
Teacher: It should be written in the dress code, ‘Girls with bouncy boobs need to cover them up.’ Seriously! These girls are one bounce away from getting tips!
Jackson Memorial High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Diana
Professor: I found the same paper that you turned in as your term paper on the Internet, word for word. That’s plagiarizing!
Student: All right, I’ll tell you the truth — I didn’t have time to write the term paper, so I paid somebody else to do it for me. But honest, I didn’t know he’d plagiarize it!
College
New York
Overheard by: DizzyLizzy
Professor: So, the point of this lecture is never, ever buy a squirrel monkey. They will plot your demise and gouge your eyes out in your sleep.
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Professor: So, do you guys think fornication is man’s greatest pleasure?
First year Humanities class: [Embarrassed silence.]Brave student: Um… I don’t know about greatest… I mean, I like to eat.
Professor, slamming hands down on desk: I’ve been eating for 62 years, and I’ve never gotten an orgasm from it!
Richmond, Indiana
Professor: The Kaiser was not the worst leader Germany had in the twentieth century.
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Teacher on cell, grading papers: On the whole, these papers have been disappointingly good.
Columbus Airport
Ohio
Overheard by: confabulation Nation
Professor on first day of class: I used to go around and have everyone tell me their name, year, and what they hope to get from taking this class, but I decided that frankly, I don’t actually care.
Digital Media Class, Boston College
Boston, Massachusetts
German teacher: Mmm, ahhh-gentive! It’s like a spicy taco!
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: bekkaroo
Professor: Does anyone know how to write an underscore in Elvish? In high school my friends and I used to have arguments about how much should be phonetic and how much should be character by character. I would spell ‘tree’ chee, and my friend would spell it tree, and I would say, ‘But the T sounds like a ch–!’ and he would say, ‘That’s because you’re a damn foreigner!’
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