Midwestern tourist: Excuse me, are there any malls around here?
Local teen, in exaggerated accent: We don’t have malls in these here parts. Malls tempt the young ones to siiin. [Tourist leaves, scared. Teen then grumbles without accent] Fucking tourist.

Broadway and 4th Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: pedestrian

American tourist: It all started when I said, ‘Hey, Dave, are you up for a sword fight?’

Temple Bar

Guy with luggage: What’s the temperature tonight?
Guy without luggage: Two.
Guy with luggage: Two? Two! Why the fuck do people live here!?

Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois

Tourist: Is it solid silver?
Salesman: Let me show you. First, do you know how to tell the difference between solid silver and silver plate?
Tourist: No.
Salesman: This is solid silver.

Dodgy Souvenir Shop

Tourist lady, as train approaches the end of the line: So how are they going to turn this train around?
Daughter: They don't have to. It can go in either direction.
Tourist lady: Well, are they at least going to turn the seats around?

Washington, DC

Old man: Are you going somewhere exciting?
Girl with suitcase: Not really. But when I get there, I’m getting laid.

Overheard by: aaron

Tour guide: The vestal virgins would be raped and buried alive if they were no longer virgins. If they let the fire go out, they would just be buried alive.
Tourist: I dunno if that's any better.
Little old Japanese woman: Hey, at least the first way you get some thrills.


Tourist, yelling at husband who went to magazine kiosk : Get the magazine! Not the paper! Magazine! (husband comes back with paper) *Sigh* Men…they're the same everywhere.

Kuala Lumpur

Canadian girl #1 to tour operator: Where can we do tours of Auschwitz?
Tour operator: Um, well, Auschwitz is in Poland, so…
Canadian girl #2: No, but we mean the one the Germans set up for the war. The German one.
Tour operator: Yes, I understand, but they set it up in Poland.
Canadian girl #1, after pause: Are you sure? We came to Berlin just to see it.


Overheard by: Jit

Tourist girl on cell: I found the house I want to live in when I move to DC, but then I found out it was the Smithsonian…

Washington, DC