Large middle-aged man with many teddy bears strapped to his fanny pack: Have you seen the penis worm?

Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Hadn't seen it

Girl pointing at caterpillar on floor: Oh my god! What is that?
Friend: Ew, it's a caterpillar!
Girl: It just crawled out of me!
Friend: What?
Girl: Well she was just telling me that there are fish that crawl up your va-j-j if you pee in the lake!
Friend: That's only for guys. And in the Amazon!

Redding, California

Girl: Oh, as far as I’m concerned, they’re just the happy little worker bees that bring me my birth control.

Madison, Wisconsin

Guy leaving psych class: Why are we talking about bed bugs liking it up the ass?! How is that relevant?

University of Pittsburgh

Overheard by: Ellie

Drunk man at next table: Butterflies out the arse! And I wouldn't have bet 10 bucks on the sonofabitch!

Sushi Bar
Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: Sushi Enjoyer

Teen to friend: My house smells like bug spray, and there is blood all over my bed!

Pappadeauxs Restaurant
Houston, Texas

Mother: Why did you kill that butterfly?
22-year-old daughter: It wasn't on purpose!
Mother: And what did you do with it?
22-year-old daughter: I put it outside, on the plant…
Mother: Why?
22-year-old daughter: I thought it was just pretending…

São Paulo

Overheard by: Teca Arantes

Gross girl: Well, that girl's bathroom wasn't that bad.
Grosser guy: Well, the flies come to the men's because they like the pee pee floor. Mmmhmm.

Metro Red Line
Washington, DC

Cute little girl staring at ceiling: Mommy, what is that butterfly doing there?
Bitchy mom: It’s dead.

Overheard by: Glowien

Science professor: So, the flower has this thing in it that looks exactly like a female wasp, and it smells like a female wasp. So, the male wasp comes up and tries to mate with it — tries to copulate with it… I had a roommate like that once.

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ