Professor, as it snows out of season: If I wanted to see white powder this time of year, I’d buy some fucking cocaine! Not that I’ve ever bought drugs… But if I did, the statute of limitations has long passed… Okay, let’s talk about bribery!

Overheard by: legal lush

Girl #1: Is that hail?
Girl #2, looking out window: No, it’s just some guys stepping.
Girl #1: Oh. I was wondering why the hail had a beat.

Mississippi University for Women
Columbus, Mississippi

Guy with luggage: What’s the temperature tonight?
Guy without luggage: Two.
Guy with luggage: Two? Two! Why the fuck do people live here!?

Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois

Six-year-old girl: Dad, I want to see snow!
Six-year-old girl's twin: Me toooo!
Dad: But girls, it doesn't snow down here–you have to go up north for that.
Six-year-old girl: Then let's go up north!
Six-year-old girl's twin: To the North Pole!
Dad: Yeah! But you know what, mom won't let us.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Girl #1: It's too hot.
Girl #2: Did you say it's hot?
Girl #1: I said it's too hot.
Girl #2: For pizza?
Girl #1: For everything. For life.


Overheard by: Chris

Meathead professor: And they climaxed in August, in all their climactic glory!

Chicago, Illinois

Short Asian chick to tall white guy: Oh my gawd, I've got it! So, heat rises, right? So it's probably all warm up there where you are, and down here with the normal people it's cold, and that's why you don't think it's cold, even though it's freaking freezing! Gawd, I love being an Asian! I come up with the most genius shit!

Muirlands Middle School
La Jolla, California

7-year old kid #1: It's raining.
7-year old kid #2: The hurricanes are upon us, bitch!
7-year old kid #1, after long pause: It's raining.

New Jersey

Overheard by: it was raining

British lit professor, on gays: I have honestly never seen it rain on a gay person. Never. Not once in my life.

Georgia State Lit Class

Girl to friend: My pussy's like a rain forest–dark, moist and full of mystery.

The Earl
Atlanta, Georgia