Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years

Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like “promiscuous” and “circumstantial.” Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!

Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado

Posted on March 19, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Character, Colorado, Cops, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Sexuality, Words

Just the Whites— She's on a Diet

Bar patron to another: And then we cracked eggs into her vagina.

Blue Moon Tavern
Seattle, Washington

Posted on March 17, 2010
Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Food, Vagina, Washington, Weirdness

Translation: I'm Afraid You'd Kill Me

50-something guy on cell: Yeah, so honestly I don't think this will work out… I think your sexuality is a little… young for me.

Starbucks
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: dates older guys

Posted on February 22, 2010
Age and ageing, Bars & Clubs, Canadia, Compare and contrast, Guys, On the phone, Sexuality

The Jigsaw Killer from Saw Sings “Blue Suede Shoes”

20-something hipster guy: There was the big drill for the alcoholic… Then they busted out the small drill and it was like… woah!

Coffee Shop
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Overheard by: Vanessa

Posted on February 7, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Colorado, Drinking & drunks, Hipsters, Weirdness

Long Story Short, That Show Left Me with a Bad Taste in My Mouth.

Guy: I've never seen an emcee try to facefuck a crowd like that before.

The Roxy
Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on January 6, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Guys, Massachusetts, Music, Sex, Weirdness

Plus, I Learned to Use a Urinal

Barely legal drunk blonde: Oh my god, I just walked into the guys' washroom. There were guys at the urinals!
Barely legal drunk brunette: It's okay, you were just breaking down gender dichotomies.

Karaoke Bar
Canadia

Overheard by: Tiffany

Posted on December 28, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Bimbettes, Canadia, Drunks, Gender issues, Pee, Sexuality

Ooh, and Some Scrambled Eggs!

Girl to friend: I'm going to order a pint. Or do we just want to split a pitcher?
Friend: I'm pregnant, remember?
Girl: Oh, yeah. But I thought you were planning to abort it?
Friend: I am. (sighs) Okay, let's get a pitcher.

Bar
Zwankendamme
Belgium

Posted on December 27, 2009
Abortion, Bars & Clubs, Belgium, Drinking & drunks, Friends, Girls, Pregnancy, Questions, Wishes

'Cause I'd Love to Have Promotional Footage for My Website

Girl #1: They're checking out your ass. Up you skirt.
Girl #2: Whatevs. (pause) Wait, do they have cameras?

Hotle Bar
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: arrc

Posted on November 22, 2009
Ass, Bars & Clubs, Clothes, Girls, Massachusetts, Questions, Technology, Weirdness

Like “Dragon” or “Compassionate Conservative”

20-something American guy: Hermaphrodites are real?
20-something American girl: Well, what did you think they were?
20-something American guy: I thought they were a made-up word, like “unicorn” or something.

Bar
Munich
Germany

Posted on October 4, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Foreigners, Germany, Girls, Guys, Questions, Sexuality, Stupidity, Words

Propelled by Airbrush, Like a Playboy Bunny

American tourist to girlfriend: No, it's a special species of blue rabbit that can survive in space.
Girlfriend: Wow!

Kaaba Cafe
Prague
Czech Republic

Posted on August 26, 2009
Animals, Bars & Clubs, Couples, Europe, Science, Stupidity, Tourists

Bars & Clubs