And Can I Use Your Leg As a Scratching Post?

Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I’m just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I’m just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn’t even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?

Bennigans
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on January 15, 2026
Animals, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Compliments, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Feelings, Florida, Guys, Questions

As I Have Noticed Your Lack of Training Wheels

Drunk girl in bar to bartender: You should be so lucky as to have sex with me.
Bartender: I wouldn’t fuck you for practice.

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: warm ups?

Posted on January 11, 2026
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Bimbettes, Comebacks, Drunks, Girls, Insults, Pride, Sex, Sexuality, Virginia

We’re Getting Closer to an Answer All the Time

Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I’m only drinking beers tonight.

Pinehaven
New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

Posted on January 4, 2026
Bars & Clubs, Default, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Guys, Idiots, New Zealand, Questions, Stupidity, Words

And Won First Prize at the Science Fair

Serious drunk guy: I made babies with a woman!

BrewFest
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Drunk Girl

Posted on January 4, 2026
Bars & Clubs, Default, Drunks, Guys, Offspring, Pennsylvania, Relationships, Sexuality, Weirdness

Good to Meet a Gentleman Of the Old School

Dude: Hey I’m Eddie*.
Chick: Yeah, I know. I’m Lauren*. We’ve met before.
Dude: Oh. Yeah. Well I just thought we should know each other’s name since we’re talking about anal.

The Beta Bar
Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: just here for the show