Burping & farting

Random girl in hallway: If you have a stuffy nose and are in an elevator with someone who just farted, but you don't know they did, does it still smell bad?

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Jen

Loud woman #1: My friend is on that. When you fart, it makes you shit oil.
Loud woman #2: Really?
Loud woman #1: Yup, you shit oil and grease.


Overheard by: grossed out

Guy to pals: Did you ever put baby powder on your butt and then fart?

Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: how are these people my friends?

Gay man: Listen, we've all shat, we've all farted, we've all touched ourselves, and we've all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm… no.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Young son, after burping loudly: I burped!
Father: Does it smell like baloney?
Young son: No…?
Father: Then you're not a man yet!

Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Big D.

Panicked child, between gasps: Why… do I… keep… burping?


Girl: So, I was here yesterday and there was this, like, gorgeous guy standing in front of me. And then guess what he did? He let one go! Seriously! It wasn’t quiet, either — more like someone ripping carpet off a floor. I wondered if he’d messed himself… Gnarls Barkley again? Don’t they have any other mixed tapes?


Churchgoer to another: Did you fart? Something smells like buttermilk.

Methodist Church
Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Nick

Five-year-old girl: I farted on you, again.
Five-year-old brother: I don't care.

Shoreline, Washington

Man in t-shirt and jeans: Wait. Can I just be myself for one minute here? Can I?
Woman in classy cocktail dress: I don’t know, can you?
Man in t-shirt and jeans: [Farts loudly.]

Halsted Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Bardley