California

Woman on phone: Girl, I just ate a fat-ass quesadilla, and now I feel fat as fuck.

San Francisco, California

Young thug #1: I'm telling you, man, if they get you for jaywalking or littering down here, they just dismiss it.
Young thug #2: Really?
Young thug #1: Yeah, man, the homeless do it all the time.
Young thug #2: Man…
Young thug #1: I'm telling you. That's why I stay downtown.

Elevator
Los Angeles Superior Court
California

Overheard by: Mylinda

Girlfriend: That's your last drink tonight.
Boyfriend: What? Why?
Girlfriend: Why? Because I don't want to fuck a limp dick and then deal with you shitting yourself again. That's why.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Deedle

Girl to friend: You know, you're the kind of person who, if you blew a bubble, I would pop it in your face.

UCLA
Westwood, California

Freshman: My professor just compared Karl Marx to Jesus. I am not feeling it.

Claremont Colleges
Claremont, California

Middle aged gay man on cell: Mother, stop making excuses. You chose to live in a government hellhole named Canada. You could have gone somewhere like Detroit, but nooooo…

Starbucks
Los Angeles, California

Professor: And, as you know, Sweden has the strictest rape laws in America.

UCLA, California

Furious hobo in tie-dye to frightened college student: You know why girls wear perfume and makeup? Because they're ugly and they stink! God bless you.

Berkeley, California

Girl on cell: I was about to go home, so I told Bob* to get the cheese because I'd brought it over so George* coud make a cheesy bagel, right? So Bob* brings me the cheese but then he starts massaging my back, and I fall asleep with the cheese. I wake up like a half hour later and he's doing it to me, so I grab the cheese, say goodnight, and leave. And after that, whenever I saw someone eat a piece of that cheese I felt sooo weird. But now it's all eaten, the evidence is gone, and what that cheese witnessed will never be revealed.

Outside Westfield Mall
San Diego, California

Skinny Latina girl, insistently: I didn't lead him on! But we had sex.

Berkeley, California