California

Sex and Violence professor, at the end of the semester: You are sexy, you are violent. It's been an honor.

Pomona College
Claremont, California

Overheard by: Mell

Faculty master: You know, our building won the sportsmanship award this year. It wasn't thanks to me, though. Some kid kicked a ball out of bounds, and I yelled “you play soccer like a freshman that's never had sex!”

Faculty Master Dinner
USC, California

Chick on cell: Did I tell you I sent my dominatrix pilot to my father and he writes back, “so how did you do the research? It's all very accurate.”

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Amerigo Vespucci

Elderly woman to woman across aisle: You can't trust crabs. Crabs are sneaky.

DMV
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: What about other sneaky crustaceans?

Girl walking with two friends: God, you guys suck so bad! But, whatever…it means four whole penises for me. Yay!

Livermore, California

Girl to group of friends: And then he lifted up his skirt to reveal a fake vagina!

Comic Con
San Diego, California

Dude on cell: You are a liar. We talked about this before. (5 minutes later) Did you wash the red comforter? (pause) So you think I'm just going to sleep in the bed where she got her pussy juice?

Koreatown
Los Angeles, California

Hobo to hipster: Is a BlackBerry a cell phone?
Hipster: Yeah, but I don't have one.
Hobo: I like blackberry pie!

Los Angeles, California

Mother, digging through prom dresses on rack, to nine-year-old daughter: There's so much glitter here! Did you know that so many drag queens shop at Ross that they call it “cross dress for less”?
Nine-year-old, bored: I know…

Ross Dress for Less
El Cerrito, California

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Girl on phone: Oh my god, I seriously didn't think anyone could act like that unless they were on something! (pause) I know! He was slurring his speech, staggering all over the place, and talking about Romeo and Juliet!

Berkeley, California

Overheard by: one of these things is not like the other…