Canadia

Scruffy, hurried foreman with clipboard, on Bluetooth: It's the elephants. You've got to dial in the elephants. It's interfering with your microphone!

Financial District
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: PerplexedPachyderm

Drunk girl: I thought the first time I had sex it would be like milking a cow. You know: squirt, squirt, squirt… a little at a time.

Kingston
Ontario
Canadia

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Yeah, I'd throw a snowball at the Princess of Sweden. Knock that tiara right off her fucking head.
Girlfriend: Totally. You'd be like, “who's Princess now, bitch?”

Vancouver
Canadia

Psych class guy: Dolphins are the second smartest animal.
Psych class girl: What's the smartest?
Psych class guy: Humans.
Psych class girl: Wait, humans are animals?
Psych class guy: Yep.
Psych class girl: Really?
Psych class guy: For real.

Hamilton
Canadia

Overheard by: Jayme

Teenage girl with bad haircut: Ugh, I so just want to punch Lauren* in the face… She's lucky I'm not a bitch.
Overweight teenage boy: I know!
Teenage girl with bad haircut: I mean, seriously, all the time from here it's all “blah blah blah, I got raped.” So annoying!
Overweight teenage boy: I know!
Teenage girl with bad haircut: I'd understand if it was once in a while… but dude, she talks about it all the time!

Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Lisa

Prof: Ladies, I'm just gonna give it to you straight: I guarantee you that almost every straight guy you see today is going to picture you naked.
Techie guy, fixing projector: Fuckin' A!

University of Calgary
Canadia

Goth girl: Typical, I come to your party and end up wiping white stuff off my ass.

Withrow Park
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Alex

Social worker talking to hobo: What can I get for you, sir?
Hobo: How about a 9 mm semi-automatic gun?
Social worker: Well, I can't do that, but do you need bus tickets? Where are you going?
Hobo: Hell.
Social worker: Okay, I'll get those bus tickets then.
Hobo: Your hair's much nicer than mine.

Hospital
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: yooo

Teenage girl: I want to stop keeping it in my pants.
Effeminate teenage guy: No! Keep the stuff in your pants… in your pants!
Teenage girl: Yeah, it needs washing anyways.

Toronto
Canadia

12-year-old boy: You see?! Dungeons & Dragons applies to real life!

Calgary
Canadia

Overheard by: cubicle slave