Kid: I want to go swimming!
Dad: They don’t have any smoking rooms here, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.
Kid: Can’t you just go outside and smoke?
Dad: It’s snowing outside! You’d like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn’t you?
Kid: But they have a pool here! I want to go in the pool!
Dad: That’s all you do… All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!
204 Hendersonville Road
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Taryn
Professor: So the wars of opium wars were fought because the Chinese didn’t want their citizens smoking their bongos and being loopy.
Student: Wait, bongos?
Professor: Yeah those pipe things… Bongos, right?
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Erika
Smug TA: While I was with her I was doing crack. She had no idea.
Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado
Professor: You may not be the target audience. You may not be on drugs!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Chatty chick: … And he called me a drunk! I mean, I am a drunk, but I’m a functional drunk. I told him everyone loves drunks but nobody loves a crackhead… I don’t even care if I get a beer belly! Someone will still love me and rub my beer belly!
22 Fillmore bus
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Chick on cell: Well, they had their flaws, but you know what I mean… I was thinking about Mike last night. Oh, how I would like to get back with him now that I’m kind of looking for a relationship and he’s not on speed anymore…
Oklahoma
Girl: An Ambien in the shower is almost as good as a Screwdriver in the shower.
Lexington, Virginia
Overheard by: Kelly
Teen hipster on cell: Mom… Mom! I still have the 10 bucks. I did not spend it on drugs… I did not spend it on drugs!
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: mightbekatrina
Hobo to freshman running by: You’re lucky I’m high, kid.
State Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
