Drugs

Sweet old lady: Well, when we moved to Gilbert we started up a garden and thought we had volunteer tomato plants.
Sweet middle aged lady: Volunteer?
Sweet old lady: You know, they came up without us planting them. So I started watering them and giving them fertilizer, and they got pretty big. Then one day I was eating dinner and I saw a boy jump over our fence in the back, rip out one of the plants, and take off with it!
Sweet middle aged lady: He stole a tomato plant?
Sweet old lady: Well, there was a sheriff down the street a few days later, so I told him about it. He came over to look at them, and told me they were marijuana plants!
Sweet middle aged lady: They weren't tomatoes?
Sweet old lady: I thought they were, but whoever lived there before us must have planted marijuana in their yard, and when I started watering they sprung up again.
Sweet middle aged lady: That gives me a funny feeling, knowing your house had drug users in it.

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Mia

Teen guy: Yeah, we got like, so wasted!
Teen girl #1: It was great, yeah. We got so high.
Teen girl #2: Where did you guys get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: What?
Teen girl #2: If you guys were getting high, where did you get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: That's drunk. You get high off weed.
Teen girl #2: Oh. Okay. Then, where'd you get that?
Teen guy: My sister. She's sixteen!
Teen girl #2: Can't you get high off books?
Teen guy: What?
Teen girl #2: Cause, can't, like…books get you high?
Teen girl #1: What?

Library
East Vancouver, BC
Canadia

Grandson, watching grandmother hold cigar as if it was a joint: If grandma takes off her bra and burns it, I'm gonna freak out.
Grandma: Oh, Simon! I'm not wearing one.

Spencer, Iowa

Economics professor: I don't judge others' lifestyles. (pause) I mean…unless they are a total trainwreck.

Illinois State University

Girl #1: Dude, my phone is ringing but I don't want to pick it up…I'm too high right now.
Girl #2: Pick it up, it may be important.
Girl #1 (picking it up): Hello? (hangs up)
Girl #2: Well, who was it?
Girl #1: I don't know, just a bunch of voices.

New Brunswick, New Jersey

Overheard by: Zboots1

Professor of Physiological Psychology: … And that’s why you go down to the crackhouse with a wad of cash.

Rutgers University
New Jersey

Young suit #1: Oh, yeah, I start my steroids tomorrow.
Young suit #2: Oh, that’s good. I need to do that.

Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rose

Professor: Do we know if marijuana has any long-term effects?
Male student: Ball cancer.

Western Michigan University

Overheard by: H

Thugette #1: Girl, you slept wif him?!
Thugette #2: I know — he ugly and got crabs, but I made him buy me drugs first.
Thugette #1: True dat.

Campus shuttle, Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Steveo

Hipster girl #1: Those are nice (points at earrings), where did you get them?
Hipster girl #2: Oh, I stole these. I only steal earrings, for some reason. So did your parents ever get those goats for their farm?
Hipster girl #1: Not yet, but my mom said they're going to start growing pot.
Hipster girl #2: That's cool.

Cafe
Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: Vincent Ignatius