Pilot #1: He flew to Myrtle Beach to meet some girl he met online. We were expecting to find him naked in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney.
Flight attendant: Who would want his kidney? He's so short!
Pilot #2: Hey, kids need kidneys too! Little kids!
Atlanta, Georgia
Chick: I got, like, suspended three times in five days.
Coworker: I only got suspended once, but that was just ’cause I cut this bitch with a razor.
Chick, to customer: Thank you, sir.
McDonald’s
Dunwoody, Georgia
Overheard by: blur
Hipster girl to guy: I got lucky. All I had to do was make out with him. (motions to other hipster girl standing beside them) She had to suck him off!
Atlanta, Georgia
Two-year-old boy, admiring his hands instead of the alligators: Look, Dad — look at my nails!
Grimacing father: Yes, yes… Your mother is to blame for that.
Atlanta Zoo
Georgia
Teen girl: Mom, guess what he got me for an early Christmas present?
Mother: What, honey?
Teen girl: A gas-mask bong–like in that movie Knocked Up. And it's purple!
Mother: Jeez, your dork-o-meter is in the red.
MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Woman: I don’t keep any money in my billfold. You know, in case I lose it. So, what’s your favorite Bible verse?
Macaroni Grill
Lawrenceville, Georgia
Overheard by: onethingleadstoanother
Hobo #1, holding sneaker, to another: Put that shoe on!
Hobo #2: Man, I don't want to sweat in the shoe. That'll make my feet stink!
Hobo #1: Man, what the fuck you worried about? Your feet already stink. I can smell them from here. Those people can smell them from here. Now put on your goddamn shoes and tie that shit up tight. No one wants to smell what you got. Now I'm going to stand here and watch you tie those shoes for the good of everyone on this train.
(others on train applaud)
MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Finally, a humanitarian homeless man
Older lady: This purse is perfect! It has two outside pockets! One for my phone and one for my teeth!
TJ Maxx
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Interesting Use for a Purse Pocket
Pilot over loudspeaker (riffing on harmonica): This is your captain speaking, (harmonica riff) Welcome aboard, (harmonica riff) Please fasten your seat belts. (harmonica riff) Or we won't be able to leave beautiful Atlanta, Georgia.
(does long, jazzy harmonica riff. Passengers applaud)
Pilot (in Elvis voice): Thank you very much.
American Airlines Flight
Atlanta, Georgia
