Little old lady to husband: I don’t care how many times you’ve washed it or how clean it is! I’ve lived 60 years without my tongue making acquaintance with your asshole, and I’m not about to introduce the two of them now!
St. Louis Street
Lebanon, Illinois
Overheard by: AlternknitiveKnitter
Woman on cell: Bitch, I’m on the train. No, I ain’t ridin’ the bus! Have you seen the buses in this city?! Girl I wouldn’t get on the bus if fucking Harriet Tubman herself was waving a damn flashlight telling me, ‘All clear’!
On the Red Line
Chicago, Illinois
Professor: So, the point of this lecture is never, ever buy a squirrel monkey. They will plot your demise and gouge your eyes out in your sleep.
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Man to date: You know what, I like you so much I’d get HIV tested for you.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Kara
Woman to crying toddler: Now, stop it, or that policeman over there will come and take you away!
Man: That’s right.
Woman: That’s what policemen do. They take little boys away.
Man: That’s right.
Outside the John Hancock Center
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: passerby-ing
Naked old man: You know, they say you really shouldn’t hang meats anymore.
Fully-clothed hipster: … Really?
YMCA locker room
Chicago, Illinois
Angry girl storming out of classroom: My mama ain’t raise no adolescent!
High school
Rockford, Illinois
Overheard by: Bre
Chick: That guy’s not a real bum — he has a laptop!
Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Whitney Wrobel
Woman on cell: Wait, what? How does that work? Oh, okay — I was thinking of a different strap-on.
Chicago, Illinois
Old man holding up movie to old woman: How about this one?
Old woman, exasperation: You know I don’t like outer space!
Video store
Illinois
