Illinois

Girl changing after gym: Oh my god! My underwear’s, like, glowing inside my pants!

Lockport Township High School
Lockport, Illinois

Eight-year-old looking at costume display: Who’s Kukla, Mommy?
Mom, solemnly: Nobody knows, honey.

Fantasy Costumes
Chicago, Illinois

Teen girl: Yeah… But, I mean, he peed on her! He lifted up his skirt and peed on her!

Hinsdale Central High School
Hinsdale, Illinois

Overheard by: Christina Newkirk

Girl: I hated him so much I pissed in his bed.
Guy: What happens if you really like them?

Lincoln Park, Illinois

Overheard by: olly

Drunk guy #1 (looking at girl's patterned shirt): Woah, what is on your shirt? It's so confusing.
Girl: It's just a bunch of overlapping circles.
Drunk guy #1: It looks like never-ending sunsets!
Drunk guy #2: It looks like angry rainbows!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

16-year-old: Mom, if you don't have herpes, why'd I find Valtrex in your purse?
Mother, seriously: I got Valtrex from the eye doctor for my yeast infection, Kim*.

Illinois

Little girl: (talking over airport announcement)
Father: Quiet for a second!
Girl: (continues talking until announcement is over)
Father: Great. What if he was saying “Run! Zombies!”? We'll be sitting here like idiots while the zombies come…

O'Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois

Woman #1: Oh my god, they are closed, too!
Woman #2: What the hell?!
Woman #1: We are in a sushi crisis!

Woodfield Mall
Schaumburg, Illinois

Greenpeace employee to college girl: Hey! Are you pro-environment?
College girl: No, sorry, post-apocalyptic.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: rabbit

Vendor: Buy some water! I’ll teach you how to dance!

Pitchfork Music Festival
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Seraphina