Old lady: Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just stay as we were and then wake up one day and be dead?
Assisted living center
Iowa
Old lady: Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just stay as we were and then wake up one day and be dead?
Assisted living center
Iowa
Sorority chick, from across room: Hey, do you wanna go steady?
Frat guy: Sure, when?
Sorority chick: I dunno… Let me ask my boyfriend and get back to you.
Frat guy: Sweet. Just as long as I get to tap that.
Iowa
Overheard by: confused and disgusted
Frat boy: Hypothetically speaking, if you were on your period, would you invite a guy to go home with you? Like, if it was your third day and you weren’t having a very heavy flow?
Sorority girl: Justin, this doesn’t sound very hypothetical.
University of Iowa Library
Iowa City, Iowa
Bawling small girl in grocery store, after not getting what she asked: But, mom, I'm crying really hard!
Ingersoll Avenue
Des Moines, Iowa
Blonde: Even though he had already made a trail of hickies around my neck, he was apparently still in the sucking mood, because then he stole my lollipop!
Friend: That’s so not cool. He’s such a suck-o-holic!
Blonde: Seriously! I’m beginning to think there isn’t anything he won’t suck.
Passerby: Well, then you’re perfect for each other, because I’ve heard the same thing about you.
Mt. Vernon, Iowa
Overheard by: Abby
Kid #1: … And so, there is an alpha male among rats–
Kid #2, interrupting: –Jesus Christ was a rat!
City High School
Iowa
Drunk guy to drunk girl: If any of these guys see your boobies tonight and I don’t, I’ll slit your throat!
Maple Lanes Bowling Alley
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Chick: He was so short and cute — it was like having sex with a pre-Parkinson’s Michael J. Fox!
Caribou Coffee
Des Moines, Iowa
Nine-year-old to his little sister: I have to get my grandma her milk. I have to go all the way out to the West Side, and I’m low on gas. You need to hurry your ass up!
University and East 9th
Des Moines, Iowa
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!
Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa
Overheard by: Casey
