Iowa

Orchestra director to French horn player: Can you just stick your fist up in there?

Luther College
Decorah, Iowa

Overheard by: percussionist who snorted like a 12-year-old

Guy: This macaroni and cheese tastes like prison.

Davenport, Iowa

Overheard by: Don

Young man to friends: So apparently people get all offended if you walk into the farmers market with a bottle of KY jelly.

Iowa City, Iowa

Hipster to boyfriend: There are certain places that you expect a woman's nipples to be, and hers were not in any of those places.

Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Girl, on sex-ed: Well, I went to a Catholic school and as a result I didn't know what a penis was until I got to high school.
Guy: I think these middle school girls need psychotherapy before they need birth control. 11-year-olds shouldn't be having sex.
Girl: Girls? Why just the girls? They're having sex with 11-year-old boys. You need something to stick in there in order to get pregnant.
Professor: Well, it looks like you found out what a penis was.

University of Northern Iowa
Cedar Falls, Iowa

Friend #1, totally serious: Wait, who's Ron Paul?
Friend #2, joking: He's an African warlord.
Friend #1, still totally serious: He can't be! Africans don't have real names!

Grinnell College
Grinnell, Iowa

Overheard by: Goron

Girl #1: So Gabby's RA was telling her that someone shat on the carpet in the hallway the other night.
Girl #2: Wait, were they drunk or something?
Girl #1: I would think so. It was nighttime.

Drake University
Des Moines, Iowa

Butch-looking 20-something: I always have Bud Select, and I know it makes me look so butch.
Femme-looking 20-something: No, I don't think Bud Select is butch…I mean, I drink Bud Select.
Butch-looking 20-something: Yeah, but seriously, I know I look like a lesbian, and the Bud Select doesn't help.

Iowa

Overheard by: I assumed they were on a date

Little girl: I don't want ice cream, daddy. Know why, daddy? (in a demonic voice) Because it's evil!

Grinnell, Iowa

Overheard by: Jake

Grocery store clerk: Did you find everything you were looking for today?
Customer: Yep.
Clerk: Oh good. The last woman said she didn’t, and I had no idea what to say. So I just looked at her and kind of shrugged my shoulders. She got so mad.
Customer: Then why do you ask?
Clerk: To be polite.

HyVee
Fort Dodge, Iowa