Which Qualifies As a Learning Disability These Days

Irritated mother: Well, maybe he got such bad grades because he was drunk while he was doing his homework!

Guelph, Ontario
Canadia

Posted on July 22, 2022
Canadia, Gossip, Moms

The Long-Awaited Follow-up to “My Humps”

Little girl #1 (holding a Patrick Star toy): Mommy, mommy! Can I get this?
Scary mom: No.
Little girl #1: Why?
Scary mom: Because last time we bought one of those was the day you had your seizure.
Little girl #1 (running around the store and flapping her arms): My seizure, my seizure!
Little girl #2 (also running and flapping): Your seizure, your seizure!

Kings Island, Ohio

Posted on July 20, 2022
Default, Girls, Health & Hygiene, Kids, Maladies, Moms, Offers and requests, Ohio, Questions, Weirdness

What?? It's Not Like I Told Them About Your Giant, Hammy Thighs.

Little girl in next stall: But what if Old Faithful starts going while we're not out there?
Girl's mother: Well, you'll have to pee really quickly so mommy can pee and then we can go.
Little girl: But you take a long time to pee.
Mother: Yes, I know.
(pause)
Little girl: You take a long time to pee.
Mother: Well, thank you for announcing that to the entire bathroom.

Restroom, Old Faithful Inn
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming

Posted on July 17, 2022
Kids, Moms, Parenting, Pee, Restroom, Should have used a condom, Time Management, Wyoming

For Love, Apparently

Little girl: I need a knife.
Concerned mother: What? Why?
Little girl: So I can cut your fingers off!
Concerned mother: Ashley*! Now, that’s not nice!
Little girl: But I’m hungry!

Old Navy
Plainville, Connecticut

Posted on July 14, 2022
Connecticut, Moms, Should have used a condom, Threats

Under the Flexible Standards of Wisconsin Law

Mom to barking, howling little boy: Stop that! Remember, you’re a person!

Eau Claire, Wisconsin

Overheard by: the girl with the hat

Posted on June 24, 2022
Gripes, Moms, Wisconsin

Girls, Learn Some New Insults. Granny, Get with the Program

Teen daughter: You’re a dickwad.
Mom: No, you’re a dickwad.
Teen daughter: No, you’re a dickwad.
Mom: No, you’re a dickwad.
Granny, with English accent: What’s a dickwad?
Teen daughter: It’s a pile of jism, Granny.
Dad: Okay, family meeting right now!

On the subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: jezebel

Posted on June 22, 2022
Canadia, Family ties, Insults, Moms, Old folks, Should have used a condom

But You're the One Who Keeps Calling the Social Worker, Billy.

Mother to screaming child: Look, if it were up to me, you could watch all the porn you want.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Posted on June 7, 2022
Colorado, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Porn, Wishes

The Limbo Is Not a Man's Game, Son.

Mother to little boy: Stop that! You're gonna hurt your scrotum!

Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on June 4, 2022
Advice, Body parts, Health & Hygiene, Kids, Massachusetts, Moms, Parenting

…Isn't This Fun?

Little girl, excitedly building snowman: Mommy, look, look! This could be his hat!
Mother: No, Shelly.
Little girl, dejectedly: But mommy…
Mother, exasperated: No! It's not even proportionate to the snowman!

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Only in Boston…

Posted on May 29, 2022
Education, Girls, Kids, Massachusetts, Moms, Parenting

And Find Me a Black Thong in Medium

Little boy picking up women’s underwear: Mommy, what is this?
Mother: That’s women’s underwear.
Little boy: I’m touching women’s underwear?! I’m touching women’s underwear!
Mother: Stay away from that, Tommy*.

Target
Novi, Michigan

Posted on May 20, 2022
Kids, Michigan, Moms, Undies

Moms