Five-year-old boy, loudly interrupting adults: I have a wedgie!
(adults laugh)
Five-year-old boy: This wedgie train is carrying wedgies!

Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Old dude to another, reminiscing: You still got that briefcase with all that underwear in it?

Kansas City, Missouri

Husband: I'm good at finding little kids' panties.
Wife: That's not a quality that you should announce.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Ambiguous boy, yelling to friend across hall: And no pictures of me without pants!

High School
Nashville, Tennessee

Grandson, watching grandmother hold cigar as if it was a joint: If grandma takes off her bra and burns it, I'm gonna freak out.
Grandma: Oh, Simon! I'm not wearing one.

Spencer, Iowa

Little boy picking up women’s underwear: Mommy, what is this?
Mother: That’s women’s underwear.
Little boy: I’m touching women’s underwear?! I’m touching women’s underwear!
Mother: Stay away from that, Tommy*.

Novi, Michigan

Girl changing after gym: Oh my god! My underwear’s, like, glowing inside my pants!

Lockport Township High School
Lockport, Illinois

Mom, giving toddler a stocking: That’ll keep you quiet for a minute. [Toddler starts stretching it over his face.] Awww, that’s so cute. Are you gonna go rob a bank?

DSW Shoes
New Jersey

Overheard by: Unburdened shoe shopper

College girl to friend: the nice thing about a toga is that you don't have to wear Spanx with it.

Metro State College of Denver
Denver, Colorado

Girl to guy trying to grab her underwear: Ow! What the fuck are you doing?
Boy: Sorry! I was trying to give you a wedgie, but I didn’t realize that you already had one.

Alaska Pacific University
Anchorage, Alaska