Professor, about a book currently sold out at the campus bookstore: This book has been required in my class for years. All the upperclassmen have this book. Borrow it! (whispering) Steal it!
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Loud woman in a bar: I thought I was going to have a nightmare, but I was disappointed.
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Cecil
Tall brunette: … And so I said I didn’t want herpes, but he was like, ‘Oh, they’re no big deal.’
Short blonde: Well, did you sleep with him?
Tall brunette: Of course I did. Like he said, herpes are no big deal. Just a little itching and stuff… Besides, it’s not like I can ever get them again. It’s like chicken pox — once you get it, you don’t get it again.
Math major nearby, yelling: Do you mind taking your dumb, STD-having ass somewhere I’m not trying to eat?! [Other students cheer.]
Bentley Dining Hall, Lock Haven University
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alexander Lepro
Guys on bench to kid on phone: No, we're not gonna pee on you, we're just gonna give you a shower!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Large gentile man: I'm becoming a Jewish woman!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
College girl #1: (laughs hysterically)
College girl #2: Yeah, and while he was balls deep in me too, can you believe that?
Pennsylvania
College girl: So how do you masturbate?
Friend: I hump my desk.
College girl: Wait…really?!
Friend: Yeah, it's great. I can go from nothing to orgasm in like, 20 seconds.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Teacher: Okay, so get out your books and start doing the exercises.
Student: Can I borrow your book?
Teacher: You didn't bring your books? Man…you guys are such losers.
Philadelphia University, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Student
40-something woman: Bump-its for everyone!
40-something woman's friend: Yes! Bump-its!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: No thanks…
Communications professor: Do you think you’ve made any progress in this class?
Student who just gave her speech: Well, my butt cheeks weren’t shaking this time!
Community college
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Some progress is better than none.
