Mom to teenage daughter: Yeah, they swell up big, you shoulda seen it, looked like I had a pussy on my hand.
Courtroom
Houston, Texas
Mom to teenage daughter: Yeah, they swell up big, you shoulda seen it, looked like I had a pussy on my hand.
Courtroom
Houston, Texas
Dart player #1: You're kicking ass because you can aim with your lazy eye.
Dart player #2: No, I'm not using my lazy eye.
Dart player #1: Well, it's still not fair.
Riprock's
Denton, Texas
Overheard by: still glad i don't have a lazy eye
Bimbette #1: Chris* has the biggest dick ever. I mean, how does someone’s dick get to be that big?!
Bimbette #2: Yeah, I wonder how that’s determined. Like, what side of the family?
Bimbette #1: Yeah, I don’t think I want to have boys and have to deal with stuff like that… [Trails off as guy in front of them turns his head and then keeps walking. Both girls stop dead in their tracks.]Bimbette #2: Oh my god, that’s him.
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Girl #1: Walking is the most natural form of transportation.
Girl #2: Or the birth canal. It's like America's water slide.
Friendswood, Texas
Woman: Do you like your daycare?
Little girl: It’s okay. They’re Christian, but they’re really mean.
Austin, Texas
(odd club music plays in the background)
Student #1: Chef, what are we listening to?
Chef instructor: Just some flippy-trippy sausage making music! It's acid jazz.
Student #2, grinding variety meats: I'm so not on the right drugs for this.
Culinary School
Austin, Texas
Seven-year-old boy: Jonas Brothers! The Jonas Brothers can suck my ass!
Borders
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Amy D
Blonde wife: You do realize that our son is going to tell his schoolmates that Jesus is either a zombie or a vampire. Then we are going to have to explain to his teacher that we are Jewish.
Asian husband: And that you are just bad at explaining things?
Houston, Texas
Girl to friend: It’s really weird — every time I hang out with a guy, we end up having sex!
Angelo State University
San Angelo, Texas
Overheard by: adriana
