Flight attendant, over loudspeaker: We will now be dimming the lights for the remainder of the flight.
(Lights dim)
Flight attendant, in deep, sexy voice: Are you in the mood to fly now? I thought so…
Southwest Airlines Flight
Austin, Texas
Flight attendant, over loudspeaker: We will now be dimming the lights for the remainder of the flight.
(Lights dim)
Flight attendant, in deep, sexy voice: Are you in the mood to fly now? I thought so…
Southwest Airlines Flight
Austin, Texas
Guy: Yeah, so Boyd Rice–
Blonde punk: –Your obsession with Boyd Rice is just as bad as my obsession with Richard Simmons.
Guy: Yeah, pretty much.
Wendy’s
Round Rock, Texas
Guy: Well, the Republican party is doing that right now.
Easily offended girl: I don't generalize!
Guy: Well then, what about homosexuality?
Easily offended girl: Oh, they should all burn in hell!
West Texas A&M University
Pretty girl: So, do you like anyone right now?
Serious guy: Eva Mendes, but she lives far away.
Pretty girl: She's hairy.
Serious guy: Yeah, I kinda noticed that.
Pretty girl (in acknowledgment): Yeah.
Serious guy (in agreement): Yeah.
El Paso, Texas
Astronomy teacher, about weather inhibiting lunar eclipse viewing: Well, NASA’s here, so Houston’s still cool.
Student #1: Yeah, but not cool enough to have an H&M…
Student #2: Yeah, I know!
Student #1: This really bothers me…
High school
Houston, Texas
Cop: Have you ever seen a burn victim autopsy?
Security guard chick: No.
Cop: Well, they cut into the guy, and it smelled like cooked meat. It actually made me hungry.
Wal-Mart
Richmond, Texas
Overheard by: Occam’s Lady Schick
Lady #1: I tell you what, I just love that Kelly Ripa.
Lady #2: Oh my god, I know! She’s so tiny!
Lady #1: And tan! She must work out every day!
Lady #2: No, she probably just pukes.
Austin, Texas
Strange transvestite: Ohmigod, you are sooo pretty.
Girl: Umm… Thanks?
Transvestite's friend: Oh, yes she is.
(they walk away)
Girl: I'm never wearing this shirt again.
Houston, Texas
Eight-year-old boy playing Nintendo: Die! Die! Diediediediediediedie!
Older brother: Isn't that a little violent?
Eight-year-old: I'm goddam Kirby! I can do anything I want!
Houston, Texas
