Three-year-old boy: Mom, let’s play Moose! You’re the moose!
Mom: Why do I have to be moose?
Trendy clothing store
Pasadena, California
Overheard by: throwsnails
Three-year-old boy: Mom, let’s play Moose! You’re the moose!
Mom: Why do I have to be moose?
Trendy clothing store
Pasadena, California
Overheard by: throwsnails
Nurse: Okay, it’s time to push the baby out. Take a deep breath, hold it, and push! One, two, three… That was an awesome push! I want you to do the same thing with the next contraction, okay?
Baby daddy: Why are you making her do this?
Nurse: Ummm, to get the baby out.
Baby daddy: Are you kidding me? How long do you expect her to do it?
Nurse: Until the baby comes out.
Baby daddy: This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! Can’t you just pull it out or something?
Labor and Delivery unit
Bakersfield, California
Lesbian: … So then she freaked out and her vagina got so tight it bruised my finger.
Queer pal: See? More proof that vaginas can’t be trusted.
Border’s
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Protogarrett
Girlfriend: I swear I told you.
Boyfriend: No, you didn’t.
Girlfriend, exasperated: Look, if I was lying then my hands would fall off. See? They’re still on, so I’m not lying.
Boyfriend: I don’t think that’s a valid argument.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Suzie
Son: Dad, how do people have sex with dogs?
Father, philosophical: Same reason people have sex with sheep… Or horses.
Son: Well, how do dogs get pregnant, then?
Father, quickly: Humans can’t get dogs pregnant.
Son: But how do the dogs get pregnant from having sex in the ass?
Father, worried: Nobody can get pregnant from anal sex!
Son: Yeah! Doggy-style!
Father, nervous: Bitches get done in the vagina, which you can do from the back. Believe me, it’s back there if you look for it. Dogs never do anal sex — only people do that.
Son: Hmmm…
Bay area, California
Overheard by: I don’t wanna look that hard
Chick #1, squinting at laptop: Is that a squirrel?
Chick #2: No. That’s a penis.
Starbucks
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Awkward!
Dude #1: Did you see the gash on his forehead?
Chick: Oh my god, there’s another fight going on!
Dude #2: Oh, look! The lunch line is short!
Glen A. Wilson High School
Hacienda Heights, California
Guy #1: Who’s Ian Gillan?
Guy #2: You know, the guy in Deep Purple? He was also in Jesus Christ Superstore.
Long Beach
Mexican boy: We have to get up at 4 in the morning to go to school every day.
Mexican grandma: Yeah, well, I had to swim the Rio Grande to get to this country. So what?
Third Street Promenade
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Amused third generation Mexican
Teacher before movie: There is one part with a naked woman in it. Are you guys ok with that?
Guy: Is it an ugly woman?
Teacher: No.
Guy: Then we should be fine.
Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California
