Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.
Vancouver
Canadia
Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.
Vancouver
Canadia
Big burly man, earnestly: So then he said, “my wife is in labor,” but I didn't exactly know what that meant.
English man, in disbelief: What? What did you think it meant?
Big burly man: I dunno… Um, like, just pregnant?
English man: So what did you say?
Big burly man: I just said, “yeah, that sucks for you.”
English man: Wow, he must have thought you were a real asshole.
Big burly man: Haha, yeah. And then she had the baby in the apartment.
(long pause)
Big burly man: So, anyway, now the building's hot water's not working.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Girl #1: It so sad that racism is still a problem in Canada.
Girl #2: I know what you mean, the other day my mother-in-law went to a variety store, and she, like, couldn't get served in English.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Sad York Student
Blonde #1: So wait, your dad was still married when he asked your mom out?
Blonde #2: Yeah, and I mean I hadn't thought about it until my sister pointed it out, but I guess my mom was a homewrecker. So I asked her about it and she was like “oh, yeah…I remember the divorce papers going through.”
Blonde #1: That is so weird!
Blonde #2: Yeah, no kidding.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Not the Daughter of a Homewrecker
Slutty girl: Hey, you know cow titties?
Quiet girl: Uhhh…
Slutty girl: Can you eat them?
Quiet girl: What?
Slutty girl: You know — cow titties!
Quiet girl: You mean udders?
Slutty girl: Yeah! Can you eat them?
French class, All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: freshman whisperer
Mom, yelling to small boy as he wanders towards street performer: Fine, if that’s what you want, get stolen!
Ottawa
Canadia
Statistics professor: So let's say we ask a random question, such as “have you had unprotected sex with a prostitute in the last week?”.
(class laughs)
Statistics professor: Most people would answer “no.” Including myself. I'll leave it up to you to decide if that's the truth or not.
University of Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Danielle
Oblivious 12-year-old in pool, surrounded by floaty toys: Hey, hold my noodle while I mount this whale.
Victoria
Canadia
Teen girl #1: So what you’re saying is, when I fart I’m smelling my own shit-smell?
Teen girl #2: Exactly. That’s how it works.
Teen girl #1: That’s nasty. I can’t believe people do that all day!
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Sass
