Class

Teacher to student: See, why can't you be more of a brown noser, like him? (points at another student)
Student: Because I don't like the taste of ass?
(class groans)
Teacher: Don't knock it till you try it.

San Diego, California

Professor just before class starts: There's no sporting events this weekend, right? We need something to bet on. (pause) I've got it! How about the hurricane?

CSU Classroom
Fort Collins, Colorado

Professor: So my kid walked in on us last night…
Student in class: Well, you gave them the talk, why not say you were wrestling or something?
Professor: Well, I have no way to explain the handcuffs.

Penn State
Altoona, Pennsylvania

Professor: Everyone always thinks the answer is penetrance. Just let me say this right here, right now: I don't want to see any penetrance in this class. Learn it, but don't do it.

Genetics Lecture
Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana

Professor, noticing student's t-shirt: What is that?
Student: A gorilla and a shark high fiving in front of an explosion.
Professor: I'm going to work that into discussion somehow.

Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: ZB

Student: Would it be possible for the situation to be reversed?
Professor: Well… (talks in circles for 5 minutes) So I will say yes, but the answer is no.

Graduate Classroom
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Professor to class, after licking her finger and cleaning the board with it: Do you guys think thats gross? Or hot?

University of Massachusetts

Middle aged, balding psych professor disproving “empty nest” theory: Now, when you leave the house your parents are free to run around the house naked, and fuck on the kitchen table! (pauses) Your parents like to have sex!

Psychology Class, Youngstown State University
Ohio

Overheard by: Carmen

Professor, talking about Meatless Tuesdays during WWI: And what would not eating meat save?
Genius (excitedly): Bullets!
Professor: Um, no.
Genius: By not having to shoot the animals.

History Class, Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia

Overheard by: be CNU

Professor: So, to calculate the unemployment rate, we whack off…

Intro to Macroeconomics Class
USC, California