Class

Professor: So what sorts of people travel abroad and exploit children that are forced into prostitution?
Student: Canadians.
[Class remains silent and professor stares.]Student: …I… Was just kidding.

Las Positas College
Livermore, California

Lady professor: AU is so different, there are so many females here. When I was in college, my sophomore year it was a five to one ratio! Males to females! The men were hanging from the trees. You’d walk through campus, wary, and then you’d sit at the cafeteria table and look up from your breakfast and there would be five guys -just staring at you!

Justice Research Class, American University
Washington, D.C.

Lit professor: Now, when we plant humans and they grow, we call those “zombies”.

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Professor: Ben, what did you get for that one?
Student: First, I’m Matt. Second, I don’t know.
Professor: Well, it’s okay to be mad.
Student: No, I’m not mad, I’m Matt. M-A-T-T, Matt.

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Kelly

Professor: Okay, this appears to be advertising for a brand of malt liquor. Who here drinks malt liquor?
Only black guy in class: Me!
Professor, laughing: Okay, Martin drinks malt liquor.
Black guy: Brothers drink malt liquor!
Professor, laughing: That’s right, brothers drink malt liquor!

Anthropology class, UCLA
Los Angeles, California

History teacher: Ah, sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Well, I definitely did the rock 'n' roll bit. Not the drugs, though. And uh… Hm. So did you all do the assignment?

11th Grade History Class
Hong Kong
China

Student, as professor walks into classroom: Tomorrow's Earth Day!
Professor: Yesterday was 4/20!

Classroom, College of Marin
Marin County, California

Peer-taught health class leader: Do not open condoms with a knife.

Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: nyssa

Professor to creative writing class: This is probably one of the smartest things I've ever stumbled upon in my life, so I shouldn't blow my load this early.

University of Wisconsin

Overheard by: Mixi

Instructor to student, during class debate: You look like you’re deep in thought there. Anything you want to share with us?
Student: Dude, I was just thinking about hot dogs.

College class
Farmington, Connecticut

Overheard by: Student