College student: That one answer is wrong. You put a nine instead of a six.
Professor: I was probably stoned at the time.

Sussex, New Jersey

Professor: I want to please you… Not with goats, but with sentences.

Greek Class
UCLA, California

Overheard by: shepherd

Girl: It's not “oh, I got laid underwater.” It's that I got to know the person and got close to them before I went underwater.

Psychology Class
University of Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Emily

Professor: The Government was spending money like a drunken sailor in a Tijuana whorehouse.

Macroeconomics Class
University of California

Overheard by: Econometrically Bored

Professor: Everyone who thinks it's this answer jump up and say, “I'm brilliant!”
(nobody moves)
Professor: Everyone who thinks it's this answer jump up and say, “I'm not so brilliant, yet.”
(nobody moves)
Professor: Everyone else jump up and say, “I'm inhibited!”

Organic Chemistry Class
Texas Lutheran University

Overheard by: Kimberly

Professor: The guillotine was humane. It was just humane many thousands of times.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: Secret Spy

Peer-taught health class leader: Small group condom practice! Wooot!

Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: nyssa


Male art student in response to female art student’s sculpture: It’s really kind of mortifyingly vaginal.

Allegheny College
Meadville Pennsylvania

Teacher: Okay, now what you do think is the chance of being killed by being struck by lightning?
Bimbette: Ummmm… probably like, one in two.
Class: (silence)
Teacher: One in two?
Bimbette: Wait! Make that one in ten.


(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it’s April 1st) Haha… His consumption smells like raspberries.

Colorado University, Boulder

Overheard by: In the back of the classroom