Drunk girl to friends: Dave and I were talking about which Muppet is hottest. I said the Count. He says Cookie Monster.
Dave: The Count would count every thrust! One… Hahaha… Two… Hahaha…
Drunk girl: But the Cookie Monster would get crumbs in the bed!
Downtown Grill and Brewery
Knoxville, Tennessee
Teacher: So this equation is like a machine. You substitute “n” for “-5” and it gives you the product. It's like a sausage-making machine…
Math Class
Mississauga, Ontario
Canadia
College student #1: Look, look, it's Martin Luther King!
College student #2: …that's Eddie Murphy.
Madame Tussaud's
Las Vegas, Nevada
Middle-aged woman to friend, exiting Forever 21: Well, that was a foray into a subculture we're not familiar with.
Kenwood Mall
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
Random high school kid (during summer school): Shoes are like hats for your feet!
Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology
Alexandria, Virginia
Girl #1: He's kind of ugly.
Girl #2: He kind of reminds me of a marionette because his cheeks are shiny and puffed up all the time.
Black Market Vintage Clothing
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: kj
(two 6th-grade boys are sitting on the bus playing with their phones)
Boy #1: Hey, you know “saxophone” sounds a lot like “sexy-phone”!
Boy #2: Haha! Then for short you could call it “the sex”!
Boy #1: (laughs)
Boy #2: It would be like, “Hey, do you know how to play the sex?”
Boy #1: Heh-heh… Yeah, its a very complicated one.
Boy #2: Ew… That's gross.
Boy #1: Yeah, you know where you learn how to do it?
Boy #2: Where?
Boy #1: In college.
Boy #2: No way! I thought we learned everything in 5th grade.
Boy #1: Yeah…but I mean this time they tell you where to stick it in.
Boy #2: Ohhh…
School Bus
Maryland
Overheard by: Sam
Emo high school girl to friend: He's kind of like the replacement parent for kids with delinquent parents…only he has sex with you and 10 of your friends.
Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: CK
