Overenthusiastic principal: So, where’d ya guys go for lunch? Huh?
Jaded student (indicating Subway cup): I ate fresh.
Principal: Did you go the 6 inch route? Or the 12 inch?
Student: I, uhhh… 6.
Principal, grinning: Don’t worry, Shane* -I think you’re man enough to take a 12-inch.
Livingston, Montana
English teacher: Calling someone a douche is not a constructive comment, even if it’s true.
Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Mother to son, after chatting with woman: I’m always extra nice to her because your father can’t stand her.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dentist
Professor: How does female humor differ from that of males?
Student: Women don’t have the luxury to be funny.
Stanford, California
Overheard by: fliushkin
Woman: Wooo! It’s wetter than a nymphomaniac in a gangbang out there.
Man: You’ve been waiting to say that for a long time, haven’t you?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Guy: So it’s her mom, her mom’s boyfriend, and her dad?
Girl: Yeah. It would be so awkward if her dad wasn’t gay.
Corpus Christi, Texas
Overheard by: it already is.
20-something #1: Yeah, see, that’s our problem: These girls are pushing 30 and their biological clocks are going off and all that.
20-something #2: Well, that wasn’t my problem before, she was 23 when I started dating her.
20-something #1 (thoughtfully): Yeah… that’s our other problem: time.
Airplane between Detroit and Las Vegas
Overheard by: ncs
Girl on cell: You know, like, I don’t feel tired, but, like, I know in my heart that I’m tired. You know?
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Respectable-looking chick on cell: Not *nearly* enough trannies.
Vallejo and Powell
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Geek #1: But I’m a semi-Mac user! I can’t have a beard and be a Mac user!
Geek #2: Yeah, I know what you mean…
Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Beardless Mac User
