Crimes

Attractive passerby: And then she was all like, “my parents would never press charges against you.” And I was so touched…

Houston, Texas

Sweet old lady: Well, when we moved to Gilbert we started up a garden and thought we had volunteer tomato plants.
Sweet middle aged lady: Volunteer?
Sweet old lady: You know, they came up without us planting them. So I started watering them and giving them fertilizer, and they got pretty big. Then one day I was eating dinner and I saw a boy jump over our fence in the back, rip out one of the plants, and take off with it!
Sweet middle aged lady: He stole a tomato plant?
Sweet old lady: Well, there was a sheriff down the street a few days later, so I told him about it. He came over to look at them, and told me they were marijuana plants!
Sweet middle aged lady: They weren't tomatoes?
Sweet old lady: I thought they were, but whoever lived there before us must have planted marijuana in their yard, and when I started watering they sprung up again.
Sweet middle aged lady: That gives me a funny feeling, knowing your house had drug users in it.

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Mia

Guy: Wouldn't it be funny if she was actually selling her baby down in Mexico, and she ended up on 48 Hours Mystery, and we could say we knew her when?
Girl: I don't think you understand comedy.

http://overheardlines.blogspot.com/2008/09/couple-discussing-friends-vacation.html

Overheard by: tim

Professor, talking about archaeological surveying: Even in the mountains, people will be hunting, farming, running from the police.

Glasgow
Scotland

Overheard by: sarah

Chick #1: I hope you never snap and become a serial killer.
Chick #2 (lovingly): Because I'd kill you first!
Chick #1: I know.
Chick #2: And then I'd stuff you… I would stuff you with your clothes so you smell like yourself.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Good Advice!

Guy reading iPhone: IT sez here some gal in Fort Meyers was arrested and later found to have a knife hidden in her vagina.
Friend: I could go with that…

Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Café con leche

Hipster girl #1: Those are nice (points at earrings), where did you get them?
Hipster girl #2: Oh, I stole these. I only steal earrings, for some reason. So did your parents ever get those goats for their farm?
Hipster girl #1: Not yet, but my mom said they're going to start growing pot.
Hipster girl #2: That's cool.

Cafe
Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: Vincent Ignatius

Girl: And it's not like Jeffery Dahmer crazy, it's like Mel Gibson crazy.

Coffee Shop
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Asteria

Guy #1: Dude… that joke went to far.
Guy #2: You know what was going too far, David*? Breaking into my house.

Bolingbrook High School
Bolingbrook, Illinois

Professor: People break laws all the time, like stop signs and oral sex.

http://www.overheardatumbc.com