And Stop Pulling the Pork!

(five-year-old boy is slapping and punching packages of beef and pork)
Father: Josh! Stop slapping the meat.
Bystander: (laughs out loud)
Father (hissing): No! Not that!

Safeway
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Overheard by: TK

Posted on April 27, 2021
Bartenders, Colorado, Compare and contrast, Dads, Default, Kids, Offers and requests, Words

Jenna Jameson: “Story of My Life, Honey”

20-something girl: My ass hurts and my throat is sore. I also feel very underwhelmed.

San Francisco, California

Posted on April 26, 2021
Ass, Default, Feelings, Girls, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, San Francisco

And Together, Our Geekiness Is Unstoppable

20-something girl: If anyone ever punches me, all of the turtles in western Pennsylvania will get together, form a giant stack, and bite that person.
20-something guy: Wow. Like Voltron?
20-something girl: Why did I marry you?
20-something guy: *Because* I say things like that.
20-something girl (sighing): Yeah, you're right.

Walnut St
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Posted on April 24, 2021
Animals, Default, Geography, Girls, Guys, Pennsylvania, Questions, Relationships

Tonight, on Army Wives…

Loud 30-something man on cell, while waiting in line for pizza: I can't wait till I'm on my way home so that I can give you a definitive get naked!

Airport
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Kate R.

Posted on April 19, 2021
Default

The Kid Used to Yell “Boink Me, Daddy!”

Four-year-old boy: Daddy! I wanna get hammered!
(mom pulls out a toy rubber hammer, sighing)
Dad, to everyone around: Shhhhh, nobody heard that! If you did, little forgetfulness fairies will fly into your mind!

Airport
Phoenix, Arizona

Posted on April 18, 2021
Airports & flights, Arizona, Dads, Default, Family ties, Guys, Kids, Lies, Offers and requests

And Get Your Desks Out Of That V Formation

Teacher: Sit the fuck down and stop acting like a bird!

High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado

Posted on April 17, 2021
Birds, Colorado, Compare and contrast, Default, Offers and requests, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teachers

Weirdest. Relay Race. Ever

Girl in car: Well, I guess Jesus is just going to have to go in between my legs.

Sunrise, Florida

Overheard by: Chez

Posted on April 16, 2021
Default, Florida, Girls, Jesus, Licking

Two Great Tastes That Taste HorribleTogether

Seventeen-year-old girl to boyfriend: You can't do anything right! I send you in there to buy me some porn and you come out with hermaphrodites? It's called Real Chicks with Real Dicks, for fuck's sake.
Boyfriend (in thick accent): I'm sorry… My english…it is not too good. I saw chicks, I saw dicks…I just grabbed it.

Manchester, New Hampshire

Overheard by: taylor