‘Cause Then She Took One of My Legs and Snapped It

Skinny girl: My roommate’s nuts. We got into another fight.
Tall girl: Oh, God, what is it now? She’s mad again ’cause you don’t rinse every drop of toothpaste out of the sink, right?
Skinny girl: No, it’s the mayonnaise! The fucking mayonnaise! She accused me of eating it! Just the plain mayo, not on a sandwich or anything. I looked at her and told her, ‘Listen, bitch, I don’t eat mayo. I’m anorexic.’ She’s accusing me of having no self control!
Tall girl: So, what happened then?
Skinny girl: I was drunk, so I threw the mayo out our front door and said, ‘Ha! Now no one can eat it!’ I don’t think that helped the situation at all.

George Herman’s
Charlotte, North Carolina

Posted on May 18, 2020
Default, Food, Girls, Gossip, Health & Hygiene, North Carolina, Skinny people, Violence

Did You Just Whinny?

Redhead: If I were a horse, I would totally do this one [points to horse in magazine].
Blonde: If you were a horse, you would do them all.
Redhead: Yeah! There’s the Quarter Horse, the Mustang, the Appaloosa, and the Arabian. Ohhh, the Arabian! [Shivers.]

Raleigh, North Carolina

Posted on May 17, 2020
Animals, Default, Girls, North Carolina, Sex, Wishes

Every Time I Try That, I Lose Some Memory

Mom: Arrrrgh. My brain just isn’t working today!
Eight-year-old (deadpan): Did you try turning it off and on again?

Steveston
Canadia

Overheard by: laughing sangria out my nose

Posted on May 14, 2020
Advice, Canadia, Default, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Questions, Technology

When Coal Mines Kidnap Unsuspecting Citizens

Blonde on cell: Can't get a signal here. I guess it's all the metal.
Friend #1: Or that we're in an elevator.
Friend #2: Underground.

Newport, Kentucky

Posted on May 13, 2020
Default

In My Day, We Just Had the Ice Cream Man

Drunken older woman: Oh my god, its the roofie bitch!

Bloomington, Illinois

Posted on May 11, 2020
Default

Leave It to the Ivy Leaguers to Really Get to the Crux of an Issue

Frat boy: That's all I want, a girl from, like, some poor village in southern Italy, doesn't speak a fuckin' *word* of English, and I can bring her home, and she can lie in my bed all day, and fuck me, and make me gnocci.
Plain blonde girl: Do you really like gnocci?

Yale Berkeley College Dining Hall
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Posted on May 10, 2020
Colleges & Universities, Default, Food, Frat boy types, Geography, Language barrier, Massachusetts, Questions, Relationships, Sorority types, Wishes

Your Editors Just Got Hospitalized for Irony Overload

Jewish woman: "of course, his mother didn't approve. Kept saying 'you can't marry a shiksa, your children will be half-breeds!"
Non-jewish woman: "wow, that's pretty offensive."
Jewish woman: "I know. I mean, she's not an indian!"

Posted on May 4, 2020
Default

Also Why Santa Needs to Get Blitzened.

Panic-stricken 20-something girl, dashing into pub: Oh god, oh god, oh god. (to barman) Large gin and tonic please.
Barman, returning with gin and tonic: Christmas shopping?
Panic-stricken 20-something girl: Yeah. (downs g&t in one go) Fuck, I needed that…

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep