Keep Your Friends Close and Your Motherfuckers Even Closer

20-something guy to another: He found Jesus. In the two months I hadn't seen him, the motherfucker found Jesus.

Swinger's
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Kristin

Posted on March 3, 2020
California, Compare and contrast, Default, Guys, Insults, Jesus, Words

Though We Also Would Have Accepted “Funbags” or “Tatas” on the Midterm Exam

Japanese student #1, in Japanese: Big boobs?
Japanese student #2, in English: Big boobs?
Vietnamese student, in English: Yes, but in English, we say “hooters.”

Translation Class
University of Hawaii

Overheard by: Jade Buddha

Posted on March 2, 2020
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I Am One With My Car

Young woman to girl, after car accident: Do you have car insurance or anything?
College girl: Blue Cross Blue Shield.
Young woman: … Uhh… That would be health insurance.

South Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Charlee

Posted on March 2, 2020
Compare and contrast, Default, Offers and requests, Questions, Sorority types, Stupidity, Vermont, Women

…I've Been Saving That Up All Semester.

Elderly Bible as Literature professor: People often say things that catch people off guard. Like if I said even Jesus shat.
(entire class goes completely silent)
Professor: Holy shit, huh?

College
Massachusetts

Posted on February 26, 2020
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Jesus, Massachusetts, Poop, Questions, Religious fanatics, Teachers

The Eternal Question

Teen girl on cell: Why would you open a bag if you knew there was going to be a head in it?

Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: Bradlee

Posted on February 23, 2020
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He's Gone So Many Places No Man Has Gone Before

Aging dork #1: I like Star Trek, but not Star Wars because they never pay attention to physics.
Aging dork #2: William Shatner is a pimp.

Peterson Air Force Base
Colorado

Posted on February 22, 2020
Airports & flights, Colorado, Compare and contrast, Default, Dorks, Geeks & Nerds, Movies, Names, Words

And Get That Hannah Montana Ringtone I've Been Wanting

Hipster boy: So, are you doing that post-bac pre-med thing?
Hipster girl: I dunno…I don't really know what I wanna do.
Hipster boy: Really, you don't wanna do medicine anymore?
Hipster girl: I dunno, I wish I could like, win the lottery. Then I'd go to like, Ghana, and just save people.

NYU Elevator

Posted on February 21, 2020
Default, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, Money, New York, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Wishes

And They're the Only Place You Have Any Fat

Obviously skinny girl: Do you think I should get lipo?
Friend: No! There's nothing wrong with your boobs.

Rochester, New York

Overheard by: wow!!

Posted on February 20, 2020
Body parts, Compliments, Default, Friends, Girls, Health & Hygiene, New York, Questions, Skinny people

The Slut Recordkeeping System Parallels Major League Baseball’s

Drunk girl, loudly, to her drunk friends: I mean, she’s slept with or semi-slept with more people than I have!

Clark and Broadway
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: flunk_punk

Posted on February 20, 2020
Compare and contrast, Creepsters, Default, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Illinois, Sexuality

To Be Fair, I Only Saw Her a Little.

Psych professor: I dated a girl who was 4'10'' once, but she always insisted that that was the legal cutoff height for little people.
Psych student: Actually, I think 4'11'' is the cutoff.
Psych professor: What? I dated a midget?

Bennington, Vermont

Overheard by: laughing in class

Posted on February 19, 2020
Class, Default, Questions, Students, Teachers, Vermont, Weirdness, Words

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