That’s What Bothers You about Living in Texas?

Astronomy teacher, about weather inhibiting lunar eclipse viewing: Well, NASA’s here, so Houston’s still cool.
Student #1: Yeah, but not cool enough to have an H&M…
Student #2: Yeah, I know!
Student #1: This really bothers me…

High school
Houston, Texas

Posted on July 10, 2015
Default, Gripes, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Science, Students, Teachers, Texas, Weather

Dude, We Sell That Here

Cop: Have you ever seen a burn victim autopsy?
Security guard chick: No.
Cop: Well, they cut into the guy, and it smelled like cooked meat. It actually made me hungry.

Wal-Mart
Richmond, Texas

Overheard by: Occam’s Lady Schick

Posted on July 10, 2015
Blue collar, Cops, Death & dying, Default, Food, Questions, Texas

Sweetie, You Weren't Even Born Then

Loud lady to friends over dinner: So how do you all feel about 69?

Ybor City
Tampa, Florida

Posted on July 10, 2015
BJs, Default, Feelings, Florida, Questions, Women

I Can Always Play Canasta Again Later

Guy to friend returning from bathroom: (distraught) But I wanted to be the one to do it with you! I wanted to be the one to do it with you!

Gables Night Club
Inwood West Virginia

Overheard by: joanna

Posted on July 9, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Default, Feelings, Friends, Guys, Sexuality, West Virginia, Wishes

Is the Range of Gay Sex Really That Limited?

Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date…
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don’t want to date her, and we’re supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don’t know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: “Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?”
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: “Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?”
Gay guy: Awesome.

Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: $kank

Posted on July 9, 2015
Advice, Backdoor, Compliments, Default, Family ties, Friends, Guys, Offers and requests, Pennsylvania, Queers, Questions, Words

It Had a Face and the Face Looked at Me

Mom: Did you see his armpit?
Teen daughter: No. (pause) Oh, I saw it!
Mom: See? See?

Portland, Oregon

Posted on July 9, 2015
Body parts, Default, Girls, Moms, Oregon, Questions, Teens, Weirdness

Dear Diary, The Refined Chitchat Is Still Not Working

Man: Hey, what are you girls doing?
Woman #1, uninterested: Cigarette break.
Man: So, what are you girls up to?
Woman #2: Cigarette break.
Man: So, you girls interested in a threesome?

Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Posted on July 9, 2015
Default, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Massachusetts, Smoking, Time Management, Women, Words

Pretend He's Speaking German, If You Want to Be Able to Sleep at Night.

Little boy, in sing-song chant, marching around outdoor cafe: Die die, die die, die die, die die!

Santa Monica, California

Posted on July 9, 2015
California, Death & dying, Default, Guys, Kids, Words

So Anyway, Welcome to Cougar Lit 101

Female English professor on the first day of class: So tell me as much about me as you can by my appearance. What kind of person do you think I am?
Student: I think you were probably a wild teenager. You've got a tattoo and a tongue piercing.
Female English professor (chuckling): I've got more tattoos and piercings than you care to know about.

Community College
Elizabethtown, Kentucky

Overheard by: Chelsea

Posted on July 9, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Kentucky, Offers and requests, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Tattoos, Teachers

From Now On, I’m Smoking with the Other End

Korean queer, smoking: I heard oral sex gives you more throat cancer than cigarettes.

Dida’s Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil

Posted on July 9, 2015
Bars & Clubs, BJs, Brazil, Compare and contrast, Default, Maladies, Queers, Stupidity

Default

Dear Diary, The Refined Chitchat Is Still Not Working