Delaware

Hot chick on cell: He kissed me teeth-first. It was like kissing a lawn mower.

Newark, Delaware

Mother with baby to other son: You are being such a nuisance. Your brother is sitting with poopy pants because you refuse to leave.

Wilmington, Delaware

Professor to puzzled student: You said one thing I didn’t understand, so I something you didn’t understand right back… God, I’m cruel.

Robinson Hall, University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware

Young suit to crying baby he's holding at arm's length: You were a terrible investment.
Young woman: Stop saying that!
Young suit: If he doesn't stop crying, I'm literally going to give him to the next person who is willing.
Young woman, taking the baby: He should be crying. You're an idiot!
Young suit: The sale has now become two for one.

Toys R Us
Bear, Delaware

Girl on phone: When you get to the game room, don't sit next to Jesus, he's watching porn.

Georgetown, Delaware

Overheard by: Kate

Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!

Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware

Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor

Sociology professor: The world is fundamentally the same as 100 years or so. Fathers back then were worried about their daughters listening to the radio. Now, they worry about them “sexting” on their BlackBerrys!

University of Delaware

Overheard by: Who is sexting?

College student: I think I hate sleep more than I hate Snapple.

University of Delaware

Hottied-out college girl: So I was, like, drunk, and I fell down on the bed, and he helped me up with his balls. (friends stare uncomfortably) What? That's not a euphemism for sex! He *literally* helped me up with his balls.

University of Delaware

Older woman on phone: There are two dogs having relations on my front yard.
Chief of police: Well, hose them down.

Felton, Delaware

Overheard by: oh dear.