Employees

Hairdresser to client in salon: I really like Egypt, you know? I feel like I have a connection to Egypt, like I was there in a past life. Like, I was watching this show on the History Channel about Egypt? Or some place? And they have three religions there? The first one was this religion where everybody kisses this wall? Mmm-mm-mm-mm. They were making out with this wall! They loved that wall. And then the next religion, god told Abraham to kill his son? What kind of crazy religion is that? And then the third religion was all these people standing up, and bending down.
Client: They were probably Muslims. They were praying towards Mecca…
Hairdresser: Uh huh. And I said to my boyfriend, “that's good exercise.” I was going to watch more, but Dancing with the Stars was on.

Collingswood, New Jersey

Woman #1: Hey, check this out.
Woman #2: What? Gross! Is that bacon? Is there really bacon in there?
Woman #1: Looks like it.
Cashier: I haven't personally tried it, but everyone who has says it's really good.
Woman #1: I bet it is!
Woman #2: No way. I mean… that's just too weird. Bacon? In chocolate? That's almost like bisexuality: I want to try it, but, I don't.

San Francisco, California

Ride operator: This ride goes over 90 miles an hour… in your mind. We don't know if we can actually do that… without killing you. Enjoy.

Six Flags Magic Mountain
Valencia, California

Overheard by: praying the seatbelts don't fail

Customs officer to woman with a cat: Can you prove that this cat is Canadian?

Canadian Customs
Pearson Airport, Toronto
Canadia

Suit on cell: Where do you think I am? I'm at work.
Ticket taker: All tickets and passes!
Suit on cell: I'll call you back. I have a conference call.

R7 Regional Rail
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: I'm at work too

Saleswoman: Have a nice day!
Irritated customer: I've already made other plans.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Steve

Cashier: Our credit card machine is down right now. Will that be cash or credit?
Customer: Gee, I guess cash… then.

Fast Food Restaurant
Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: Kate

Host to dumb tourist: Would you like to sit inside or in the garden?
Dumb tourist: What's the weather like in the garden?
Host: I'm going to guess that it's the same as outside the front door you just walked through.

Restaurant
Charleston, South Carolina

Overheard by: Crash

College therapist to class: Now take deep, slow breaths. We don't want stress to take over, because stress means purple elephants.

Marquette, Michigan

Tourist to park ranger: How do I get to Mt. Desert Island from here?
Park ranger: Ummm, you're standing on it.
Tourist: No, I'm not.
Park ranger: Yes, you are.
Tourist: This is ridiculous, I'm going to report you to the government.
Park ranger: No, really, you're on the island.

Mount Desert Island, Maine