Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, you're going to have to hang up your phone and run it through the machine.
20-something girl intern: But I'm not a terrorist, and I'm on an important call. Can't I just walk through?
Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, that would be like Timothy McVeigh driving up and asking “hey, can I park my car here?”
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/08/insert-inappropriate-terrorism-joke.html
Overheard by: Ian
Customer, browsing selection of charm bracelets: Do you have any Nazi charm bracelets? My daughter loves that stuff!
Craft vendor: Uh…no.
Craft Show
San Diego, California
Receptionist to executive assistant: …so in conclusion, I got peed on…by a taxi driver…who I dated.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/316536671/and-it-didnt-work-out.html
Overheard by: Ian
Student: I have that song “Ring My Bell” in my head.
Advisor #1: The one by Diana Ross.
Student: I think so.
Advisor #2, from adjacent cube: It's not Diana Ross.
Advisor #1: Well, who is it?
Advisor #2: I don't know, but not Diana Ross.
Student: And that song “In the Navy.”
Advisor #2: That's not Diana Ross either. Just as gay, but not Diana Ross.
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: Disco Dan
Waitress: You were a hungry bunch of monkeys, weren’t you?
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Reporter, at man's house after he hit someone at a kids' soccer game: Sir, how do you feel about your behavior?
Man, coming up to the door holding bowl of macaroni and cheese: I am ashamed. I slap my own face.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you're in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don't kill nobody!
Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada
Overheard by: Philly Joe
Grocery store bagger (handing stuffed cat to little girl): So, what are you going to name your new kitty?
Little girl: Baby Jesus!
California
Dining hall worker: When I got my nipples pierced I had an orgasm when the guy was doing the left one.
Student: Really? How did that happen?
Dining hall worker: When he clamped it I just told him to keep twisting that shit, and 20 minutes later I had an orgasm. It was a little Chinese man who did it…I bet his little uncircumcised dick was all bonered out and shit.
overheardatyale.com
Overheard by: overheardatyale
Girl, getting wash and cut: Then I was walking around for a few months without an elbow.
Stylist: Wow!
Girl: So finally in July they put my elbow back in.
Stylist: Well, that's good.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: porkchop on a stick
