Girl #1: Yeah, that’s not cool, but I understand. He sounds very immature.
Girl #2: He is. It’s such a shame. I laid in bed last night reminiscing about the time I spent with him in bed. It’s like I can still feel it. Too bad he’s such an asshole, and too bad that good dick makes me so… not able to accept what a douchebag a guy really is.
Atlanta, Georgia
Wife: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: That’s it? Just “yep”?
Husband: Looks very different. It’ll be like having sex with another woman.
Wife: Asshole! Should have kept my mouth shut.
Husband: Yep.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Angry suit on cell: I cleaned out my ass for you, bitch!
On the Street
San Francisco, California
Professor: Never spend the night with a Croatian! Those guys are fucked up.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Teen girl #1: Your dad could be a plumber because of his moustache.
Teen girl #2: My dad doesn’t have a moustache.
Teen girl #1: Well I wish he did.
Teen girl #2: Too bad, bitch!
North Bay
Ontario
Canadia
Ex-husband: I can’t believe you brought a date to our divorce hearing.
Ex-wife: Fuck you! You hooked up with a girl in court.
Ex-husband: I didn’t “hook-up” with her, we made plans for lunch today.
Ex-wife: And that’s better?
Ex-husband: Actually, it’s quite impressive. I rock, you suck, I’m getting laid tonight.
Ex-wife: I got laid last night.
Ex-husband: That’s because you are a dirty hooker.
San Diego Family Court
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sean
Girl: So then I was about to call him a giant asshole, but I figured he’d take it as a compliment…
Guy: I get it! It’s because he’s gay!
University of Alabama
Alabama
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, “Yay, it’s Ramadan!”
Girl: So, like … “Yay, I’m not eating or having sex most of the day!”?
Ottawa
Canadia
British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn’t have been more than eight, say “bitches and hoes.”
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: … No.
University of San Diego
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Leah
Guy #1: What did the bear say when he walked into the bar?
Guy #2: [Blank stare.]
Guy #1: Roarrrr. He’s a fucking bear, what else would he say! [Laughs out loud.]Guy #2: I haven’t seen you in two months, and this is what you start with? You are a fucking idiot.
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Amber
