Mother to eight-year-old: Tommy*, get in the picture with your aunt Linda!*
Tommy*: You're hungover!
Mother: Just get in and smile.
Tommy*, indignant: She's not related to me! In what way, shape or form does she share my blood?!
Havre de Grace, Maryland
Girl to friends: He looked like a Mexican vampire, and it did not work for me.
Clarksville, Maryland
Overheard by: I can see why
Girl #1, excitedly: Okay, this is where I leave you. I know you're going to forget all about this conversation when I go, but…
Girl #2, interrupting: No, no, I won't–I'm going home right now to google “demons” and “possession.”
Girl #1, walking away: Right, good. We're going to make this happen!
Girl #2, heading in opposite direction: Even if everyone else thinks we're crazy!
Girl #1, vehemently, from across the street: It's all down to us, now! We'll exorcise that demon if it's the last thing we do!
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Only if I can watch…
Woman on street: The only bad thing I've ever said to Michael is that he should go and die of a heart attack.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Lauren
Psychology professor at all-women college: Personality disorders are the people you end up married to.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sabrina
Aunt: Jared*, put the toy back. We are going to go over to K-Mart, because they have a better selection.
Four-year-old: I don't want to go to K-Mart, auntie! There's too many white people over there!
Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: His (embarassed) Mother
Professor: Here, let me make you some flesh. You know, you can buy flesh in the school store!
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Painting with Mr. Lector
Jock: Our soccer team's like the colon–it's probably there for a reason but no one knows what it is.
Friend: That's the appendix.
Westminster, Maryland
