Guido: Dude, I think your girlfriend is going to dump you. You fell off your chair inside and you punched me in the ribs twice when I got up to go to the bathroom.
Drunk Guido: No, she can’t dump me. She lets me put it in her ass!
Outside Restuarant
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Lauren
Quiet girl: Girls are like, ‘Let’s play house,’ boys are like, ‘Let’s fight each other,’ and you put them together and you get domestic abuse.
Language in Society class
Maryland
Man #1: Are these seats taken?
Man #2: No, they are not, but I have to warn you — we both had Chinese food for dinner, so we are going to have some major gas in a little bit.
Man #1: That’s fine, we had Thai.
Man #2: Oh, then we’re even. Have a seat.
Consolidated Theaters
Silver Spring, Maryland
Overheard by: feeling a little gassy myself
Employee: She was my supervisor at the one daycare… Then they fired her, so now she works for the government.
Target
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: absent
Teacher to girl picking lint off her boobs: Pay attention, please.
Girl: I can't! I'm cleaning!
Potomac, Maryland
Mother to eight-year-old: Tommy*, get in the picture with your aunt Linda!*
Tommy*: You're hungover!
Mother: Just get in and smile.
Tommy*, indignant: She's not related to me! In what way, shape or form does she share my blood?!
Havre de Grace, Maryland
Girl to friends: He looked like a Mexican vampire, and it did not work for me.
Clarksville, Maryland
Overheard by: I can see why
