Teenage girl to friend: I want a boy. If I get a girl I'm going to shove her back in.

New Jersey

Lady 1: So they're getting married now.
Lady 2: But I thought she had a baby.
Lady 1: Yes, but it's his brother's. See, her sister wanted to be with him so she told him her sister couldn't have normal children. It turns out she's the one who can't have children.
Lady 2: Oh… so they're getting married?

Salt Lake City, Utah

Overheard by: Confused listener

Very pregnant woman: I don't want to have this baby. I don't want to have to work all of this weight off.
Man: I think I should keep you pregnant. This is the least worst you've ever looked.

Wichita Falls, Texas

Overheard by: mikeface

Wife: Oh, my cousin Danielle just had her baby!
Husband: You have a cousin Danielle?

Mount Vernon, New York

Drama teacher to students: Okay, I want you all to close your eyes and imagine the most painful thing you can think of. Okay?
(a few moments pass)
Drama teacher: Okay, who wants to share? Dallin, how about you?
Dallin: Umm… Well, I imagined giving birth to a cactus baby.
Girl next to him: What is with you and cactus babies?

High School

Overheard by: Weskimo

Third grader #1, pushing empty kiddie swing: I'm practicing pushing my baby.
Third grader #2: Why? You're not going to have a baby for like 55 years.
Third grader #1: But it's good to know how, just in case.

Mount Vernon, New York

Teen boy being pushed through large crowd: I feel like I'm being born!

Parking Lot
Giants Stadium, New York

Overheard by: Gaby Young

Girl to two bald eagles: I will mate with you and you will like it. We will have hot eagahuman babies and you will like it!
Friend: Sarah, sometimes I swear you should have stayed in special ed longer.

Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: xhollisterluv1045

Girl: If Mary was a virgin, wouldn't Jesus have had to kick through the placenta to be born?


Overheard by: Can't stop thinking about that now at Christmas

Oldish Ukrainian woman: How you have babies with hips like this? How you do this? So skinny. Tsk, tsk.
Skinny chick: Huh?
Oldish Ukrainian woman: Here, eat my husband's sausage. He fill you up. Eat! Eat!


Overheard by: not so skinny