Queer #1: I bruised my pelvis once during sex. It was the last time I had sex with a woman. Remember?
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #3: I don’t know this story.
Queer #1: Well, to be more exact, I woke up to having sex with a woman. Or, rather, I regained consciousness to discover a woman fucking me. That was the same day as the bulldozer.
Queer #2: You don’t have to say anything else for this to be a perfect story.
Queer #3: Wait… A bulldozer?
Wine bar
Baltimore, Maryland
Girl in skirt: And so she was just sitting in the stall on her phone when I went in! She was having a normal volume conversation.
Girl in pants: Ewww. What did you do?
Girl in skirt: I mean, I peed. But reluctantly. It's not like I want to broadcast my bodily functions to everyone, you know? (pause) I mean I'm broadcasting them to you right now, but not over the phone.
Girl in pants: Right. Totally.
Rockville Pike, Maryland
Five-year-old boy to passing stranger: I ain’t yo’ baby’s mama.
College Park, Maryland
Guy, telling girl how to inspect screws in a table: Reach up, right up in there…
Girl: Right here?
Guy: Yeah, can you feel it?
Girl: Uh-huh…
Guy: Okay, now can you play around with it with your finger?
Girl: Uh-huh…
Guy, after long pause: You know, if anyone overheard this conversation, it would sound pretty bad.
Security Park
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Cool Breeze
Woman to friends: Who would have know that shaving my pubes wouldn't get rid of pubic lice?
Chipotle
Towson, Maryland
Rednecks in pickup truck, driving past bus stop: Hey, pretty girl! Want a ride?
(pretty girl waiting for bus shakes her head, truck moves on)
Pretty girl, to male companion: So, is everyone here just really friendly, or what?
Male companion: No, they're creepy. Don't talk to them.
Highlandtown, Baltimore
Overheard by: tourist
Girl #1: How do you like your place?
Girl #2: I've got a huge deck!
Girl #1: You were one letter away from making me a very happy woman.
Girl #2: I was one letter away from making myself a very happy woman. If I had that, I'd go fuck myself.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
Girl: My mom said “Just don't pass out in the port-a-potty.”
Baltimore, Maryland
Rich mother: Well, you'll just have to hold it! You can't go to the bathroom around here! They are positively disgusting, you'll die!
Little child, crying: Please, mommy, I need to go!
Rich mother: Don't you value your life?
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: Alex Ello
Early 20-something woman on cell with boyfriend: I would love to dress you up as yogurt!
Potomac, Maryland
Overheard by: Nic
