Mr. Duchovny's Voicemail Fills Up Fast

Teenage girl on cell: David, I fucked you last night. The least you could do is give me a ride to Taco Bell.

St. Louis, Missouri

Posted on September 8, 2020
Assholes, Couples, Food, Missouri, Sex

I Think You’d Be Surprised

Cute queer #1: Yeah, but aren’t you worried about the sodomy laws around there?
Cute queer #2: No, not really.
Cute queer #1: My god, why not?
Cute queer #2: I don’t think that a fleshlight really counts as sodomy.

Grand Avenue
Saint Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Confused Dyke On The Corner

Posted on August 4, 2020
Missouri, Queers, Toys

And That Was the Extent of My “Birds and Bees” Talk

Mom holding two tomatoes stuck together: Look, tomato twins!
Daughter: Oh my god! I love them!
Mom: They look like balls! [Laughs] Boy balls! [Walks away].
Daughter: Oh my god.

Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Kelsey

Posted on July 5, 2020
Compare and contrast, Default, Fruit, Girls, Gripes, Missouri, Moms

I Kinda Shake Myself Like a Wet Dog

Little girl: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom!
Mom: Okay, well, I don’t think there is any toilet paper. You’ll have to drip-dry.
Little girl: Okay! I love drip-drying!

St. Louis, Missouri

Posted on March 5, 2020
Kids, Missouri, Moms, Pee

Can I Get a Swig?

Hobo: Girl, I know you’re a freak! All redheads are freaks!
Brunette hipster pumping gas: Step off. What I do is none of your business.
Hobo: Lady, I’m just talking shit ’cause I’m drunk.
Brunette hipster: Me, too.

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: cuspy

Posted on December 5, 2019
Drinking & drunks, Hipsters, Hobos, Missouri

Everyone in Retail Can Identify

Little boy, in sing-song: I believe I can fly! I believe I can… die!
Sales clerk: That's the sad version.

JC Penney
Columbia, Missouri

Posted on November 3, 2019
Death & dying, Employees, Feelings, Kids, Missouri, Singing, Stores

Oh, Please– Victoria's Secret's Been Selling Those for Years.

Girl, about teacher: He kept bending over in front of my desk. And he was wearing these tie-dye boxers, and they were hanging out of his pants. Except it looked like a thong. Like, there was a thong line. So, yeah, he might have been wearing a thong.
Girl #2: Maybe it's like a weird, secret guy thing. The top looks like boxers but the rest is a thong.
Girl #1: Yeah.

High School
Columbia, Missouri

Posted on June 3, 2019
Girls, Gossip, Missouri, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Undies

Hey, If the Hippos in Fantasia Can Do It…

Aunt: Well yeah, we dance with the turkey before we put it in the oven.
Girl: What?!
Aunt: Well you know, to give it one last dance.
Girl: One last dance?! As if it danced before!

St.Louis, Missouri

Posted on June 1, 2019
Animals, Death & dying, Default, Family, Girls, Missouri, Weirdness, Women

Wishes He Had a Girl Who Looked Good He Would Call Her?

White girl to white guy: Oh, I get it. So a baller pops his collar.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Emmitt

Posted on February 6, 2019
Compare and contrast, Default, Girls, Missouri, Weirdness, Whiteys, Words

He'll Be Disappointed When He Learns It Has Nothing to Do With Guns

Youngish mom, enthusiastic: I need shot glasses for work!
Eight-year-old son, excited: I want a shot glass!!

Gift Shop
Branson, Missouri

Posted on December 30, 2018
Drinking & drunks, Kids, Missouri, Moms, Parenting, Stores, Weirdness, Wishes